Thursday, September 2, 2010


I'd like to think I am a pretty positive person, but this week has really tested my reserves;P Having three kids under four is just hard- it is. Someone from church recently said to me, "enjoy this stage, it's the easiest one you'll experience." Let me tell you, even in church, I struggled with biting my tongue and a whole bunch of pretty nasty thoughts about her persisted in my head through out the day. Now, I know life is never easy, and I know there will be challenges with every stage of my children's life, (I know, for example, they will annoy me in junior high)but I sure appreciate the people who give me credit for the life stage I am in and say things like, "it goes by before you know it."

It's hard, and yes, I do "have my hands very full." I am reminded of that on a daily basis, almost, by strangers in target or the grocery store. I usually laugh...but this week I wanted to grab hold of someone and say, "YES, I do. HELP ME!"

I was feeling so overwhelmed I even looked up the signs of postpartum depression and was DISAPPOINTED that I didn't even come close to the criteria;) CRAZY, huh? (Maybe I should have looked up the symptoms for postpartum psychosis?:) I guess I knew I wasn't really depressed, but I suppose part of me was hoping maybe I'd qualify for a pill or something to make life easier.

Life just isn't easy. I have to push through. I have an amazing husband and really my kids are pretty cute and I adore them much of the time. It's usually about now- between 4 and 6pm when they become a little...or a lot...annoying.

I feel a little claustrophobic at the moment, I guess and that is probably contributing to my angst. I feel like I need to get away to get some rejuvination; it just isn't an option for a few months! :P I have a baby who nurses every 2 hrs. Even if I leave her, I'd have to pump that often to keep my milk up...that doesn't feel very rejuvinating! I have to admit, I also don't think Marc could handle all three quite yet. He's a very capable and amazing guy- don't get me wrong, he just isn't used to doing this. He can be a little stress ball, as it is, I might return to find he'd had a coronary!

Family? Is that an option? Sure, I suppose, but they have their own lives. They are so helpful, but it feels incredible unfair to ask them to take all three at THIS we just have to wait and push through.

I am in the trenches folks. The only way out is to keep digging. Today I just needed to take a minute to look out and scream. "AHHHHHHHHHH!"

There, venting completed. Now, I'll put on my big girl panties and do the right thing- Pray. Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS can sure be challenging sometimes?!;)


  1. Just read this on Deb's FB-may it make you laugh! I'm gonna post it around the house here.
    Insanity is hereditary--you get it from your children.
    Hang in there! (Oh, and if I got a nickel for every time a person said, "My you have your hands full." I'd have enough for a weekend trip away!)

  2. All good reading material for a mom-to-be :-) My friend who always reminds me of you and has four kids four and under said that she had to get used to their "new normal" of craziness :)At least it is only a season right? When you are getting out of the craziest baby/toddler stage, I'll be in the thick of it I'm sure and you can look back and breathe a sigh of relief that you survived it :)Karla

  3. I've been there....and I'm alive and well and here to say...there's light @ the end of the tunnel and it's coming soon!!!!! Hang in there! My kids are 7, 5 and 5 (ha!ha! I can laugh about that now! McKenna will turn 6 in two weeks.) and it's fun having them so close in age now and SO SO SO much easier than when they were all little.