LOL

Ava my five year old takes off every bit of clothing when she has a bowel movement.  We aren't sure why.  She doesn't strip when she has to pee, but if it's BM time, you can count on the fact that Ava is naked and will be in the bathroom for a LONG time...usually with an arsenal of books (I hope Ava doesn't hate me when she's older because I am sharing this information;).
She seems to have to go about naptime.  Usually it is after I put the little ones down and put her in her room for quiet time.  It doesn't bother me or affect anyone else, I give her privacy and let her do her thing.  If she happens to go when the kids are awake, however, my younger children have no respect for privacy.  Ava doesn't care and actually seems to enjoy their company.  I am constantly talking about privacy and saying "the bathroom is not a place to hang out and play, finish your business and then you can play with Phin and Chloe".  I am always directing the two little ones out and repeating my speech and actions at least once before they occupy themselves elsewhere.

A couple days ago the above had occured.  Phin was playing in his room (or so I thought) and Chloe was with me unloading the dishwasher as I attempted to load it.  I hear commotion and return upstairs just in time to witness hilarity.  Phin was pointing his finger at nude Ava and who was standing up (obviously having completed her business) and declaring in an angry, loud voice, "STOP!  The bible says no show you bum at people, Ava!"

I had to control my laughter.  Then regain control again after Ava replied, " oh yeah, where is THAT verse Phin?"

(In case your curiousity is killing you- I resolved the problem by talking with Ava about what the bible says about MODESTY and talking with Phin about being obedient and giving Ava privacy in the bathroom;)

Tonights Conversation with Papa's Boy

In car, driving home from dropping Ava off at Awana.

Chloe:  Mama!  Mama!  Mama! (repeatedly)
Phin: Chloe loves you, Mommy and I love Papa.
Kim: You love me too.
Phin: nope
Kim: you do too, you stinker.
Phin:  not the best, I don't.

LOL!

The beginning of a story?

I believe we may be started on a journey, though I have no idea how lengthy the journey will be.  Truthfully, I believe we probably started on this journey years ago.  I don't know if God will indeed bring the burden of adoption that is on our hearts to fruition, but I know he is at work and preparing us for something.  The assumption would be that this would end up with us adopting a child in our home, though I will admit we don't have clear direction yet.

We were sitting in a Moody's Founders week in February 2003 and Dennis Rainey was speaking.  I can't quote him exactly, but he talked about how the church has failed in regards to adoption.  He said something like, "we say we are pro life, we encourage women to keep their babies and give them up for adoption, but are we taking them into our homes?  Are we providing for the orphans?"

I have always thought adoption was cool, but thought about it most from the vantage point of those who were unable to have their own children.  I am profoundly pro life.  My heart breaks at the amount of children we have killed due to abortion.  I knew as he was talking I wanted my home to be open, to welcome children who needed parents; I wanted to hold my arms open wide and love the children others were discarding, but who I know are infinitely precious in God's sight.

Thankfully, Marc was also impacted by the message.  At that time we hadn't started our own family.  We ordered some information on adoption and started to accumulate information about the requirements.  For many countries we were still to young and we certainly didn't have the needed funds.  We really felt at that time that we were to have biological children first....so we did.

About a year later I was listening to Christian radio.  There was a debate about whether or not homosexuals should be able to adopt.  It was an informative and interesting debate, but what I walked away from had nothing to do with the issues of homosexuals adopting.  I was very struck by the naysayers who were adamant that this should not occur, yet themselves had never adopted.  They argued about what a family should be; and yet the church itself fails so miserably.  Look at our own divorce rate?  We scream and yell that children should not be placed with homosexual parents and yet we aren't taking children into our families. We yell about what the bible says, but we are ourselves failing miserable to back up our words with lifestyles that reflect God's way.  Sure, we may be married and sleeping with someone of the opposite sex  (which, I do, for the record, believe that is God's plan), but we act like the pharisees Jesus condemned.  We care more about rules and regulations that having our hearts and lives right before God.   We'd rather fight about issues of sexuality than be confronted with the fact that homosexuals are actually living out Jesus' command to care for the orphan better than much of the church.

Since that time, I think I often freak out adoptive parents.  I am sure it is a bit unnerving to have someone gaze at your child with tears in her eyes!  I just can't explain it.  For both Marc and I, our hearts just melt at the sight of these precious little ones.  My eyes tear up as I see them interact with their families and I long to be a part of that. 

I have to admit, I have questioned myself.  Do I just want a cool multiracial family picture?  I'll be honest- I do  LOVE that.  I hate the race segregation in our culture and I long to buck the system and mix it up.  I long to say to the world- I SEE NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MY BEAUTIFUL WHITE CHILD AND MY BEAUTIFUL DARK CHILD.  Still it is more than that...I think this is what Jesus wants us to do.  There are children DYING around the world- emotionally even if they survive physically.  Millions of orphans are sold into the sex trade every year...every day.  How must God WEEP that these children he took great care in creating are not being loved and cared for!  How must he weep?

At our church in Chicago, there was a class on adoption a few years ago.  A mom from the church had adopted from China and her heart was burdened to see others do the same.  I learned so much!  I didn't even know a friend of ours, who ended up later being our Pediatrician, had a passion for adoption and is an expert at examining adoption photos and videos sent by foreign countries to prospective parents and preparing those parents for the issues their coming child might have.  I learned about failed adoptions.  I learned about struggles from people who had been adopted.  I saw the beauty of the situation and realized there could also be a lot of pain and yet my heart only beat stronger.  At that church a couple more families adopted, and I was excited that if we went this route, our child WOULD see other multi ethnic families and not feel as if they were "odd".

THEN we moved to Sheboygan 18 months ago.  We chose our church quickly.  We researched before we came, prayed about it, and chose it after one visit.  We didn't want to church hop and though we visited one other church,  felt like God led us to Sheboygan Evangelical Free Church

We have a group of three other couples we call "covenant" friends.  We get together regularly (those of us living in the US anyway;) and we pray and worship...and have fun, of course;)  They are beautiful friends and it just seems God has purpose for our friendship.  One interesting twist in the last couple years is God leading couples towards adoption or fostering.  One couple is waiting on placement, one couple is fostering, one is soon leaving to work with orphans in Bangladesh for couple weeks, and we are starting to pray about God's timing re. adoption.  Coincidence?  absolutely not.  I believe he has purpose in individually leading our hearts but in similar directions.

I was part of starting a mom's group almost a year ago here in Sheboygan.  Out of about 15 moms, two are right now in the process of adoption.  Coincidence?  absolutely not.

Ava's christian school has quite a few adopted kids, but more moving is the large bulletin board they have dedicated to encouraging families to foster and adopt.  Coincidence?  absolutely not.  I believe God led us to a school where our child will feel value and supported!

There are all kind of "little coincidences" and today when I saw another I knew I needed to start writing them down.  I was watching the Veggies Tale story of Saint Nicholas (fabulous for kids, by the way!) and I wanted to check their details as my memory on the story was foggy.  I couldn't locate my book on holidays so I went online.  I first searched for Saint Nicholas and read quite a bit.  Then I realized Thanksgiving is next month and figured I'd browse and start planning.  I went to Noel Piper's site because she has written a great book on celebrating the holidays.  I typed "thanksgiving" in the search box and many stories of her adopted daughter popped up.  I didn't realize she and John had adopted, but I ended up spending 20 minutes reading their adoptive story. I cried, of course. Is it a coincidence that I happened upon it which searching for holiday ideas?  absolutely not.

I believe God is at work.  We are getting together with friends on Friday to talk with them about their adoption journey.  We don't know if the time is now, but we are praying and asking God.  I'll admit I am SCARED!  I find my three kids a handful!  I get tired and sometimes I just want a week or two off to be selfish and carefree;)  Adding another child to the mix is scary.  I'd have to lose more of me.  But I also believe that losing more of me is exactly what God calls me to.  I believe he wants to make me into something more beautiful and self sacrifice is a part of that.  I keep learning to hold life loosely.  I am learning to give up control, to let things go, to enjoy each day and not worry about tomorrow.  Heading into an unknown area is scary.  I was scared having our first child too....and the second...and the third.  It's tempting to keep things "the same" because I "know" this.  But I don't believe life is about being safe and keeping things the same.  I believe I am called to love and serve others and I believe it starts IN MY HOME.

It is scary to write this because, as I said, I don't know when or if God will open the door for us to adopt.  I am sure people will now look at us more closely and wonder on timing.  Here is the thing- we haven't started anything.  Please don't watch us too closely;)  I write because I believe God is weaving a story and I want it recorded...and I believe in being authentic.  The picture is not clear for us...but I believe God has a paint brush in his hand and I am so excited to see what he creates of our lives!

Phin is THREE

Today my favorite little boy in the whole wide world is three.  Three years ago today I was in labor with a giant baby.  The induction went very well.  They managed my pitocin perfectly.  It felt very much like my labor with Ava, which happened naturally.  Central Dupage Hospital is an amazing place to deliver and I loved the nurses caring for me.  As it came time to push, however, I started to get sick and cold and clammy.  I literally was pushing and vomitting simutaneously.  I was sure I would not survive the experience.  I have never felt so horrible in my entire life.  At 11:53pm my HUGE baby boy came into the world.  He was precious and as all my children, I was immediately captivated and hopelessly in love.  I had a few complications afterwards and it wasn't the ideal experience, but I was in love.

His first year was ripe with difficulty.  He has RSV at two months; he had milk/soy protein intolerance.  He then developped Reactive Airway Disease (basically what they call Asthma before they are older enough to officially test and diagnose it as asthma;)  He ate and grew and grew and grew.  Worst of all he didn't sleep- at all.  I did not sleep more than about 45 mintues at a time for the first two months.  I got an amazing stretch of 2 hours here and there, never more. Again, I thought I wouldn't survive.  About 6 months, he seemed to outgrow much of his difficulty and by a year, my boy became an angel.

I wouldn't trade a moment of it.  He is a gem, precious beyond words.  Phineas means face of compassion.  We believe God led us to his name and one can't argue that the kid has a face that is unspeakable.  He blesses strangers regularily while we are out on errands just by flashin' his smile.  He is kind to them and usually makes them laugh.  I know for some of the older people we run into, this is the highlight of their day, if not week.

Phineas is all boy.  He's a man's man.  He loves to be with his dad or grandpas.  He loves to watch them do "man's work".  He loves to wrestle and he loves to talk about potty stuff.  He is all about making "toot" noises and saying the word "poopy" at the most inappropriate times.

He is obsessed with Toy Story and owns more Toy Story toys than you could imagine.  He is playful and imaginative with them.  He knows lines from the movies and thinks he'll grow up to be Andy;)

Phin is mischievious and gives me plenty of blog ammunition with his antics.  Last weekend we left him with friends and he kindly flooded THEIR bathroom....at least now she knows what I'm talkin' about when I say you can't turn your head on this guy.

He has a heart of gold and regularily tells us he loves us, unprompted by us saying it first.  He will spontaneously tell Ava she is beautiful, tell Chloe she is "SOOO tute" (that is Phin's way of saying, "cute"); He'll tell Marc out of the blue, "Papa, you make me happy." and I get plenty of, "I love you's", "your the best mommy", "You are so beautiful, mama", and "thanks for a good day, mommy".  He loves hugs and kisses and cuddles.  I don't know how long he'll put up with that so I am relishing  every day he's still a cuddly little guy!

He is funny.  REALLY funny.  He tells jokes and laughes from the tip of his toes to the top of his head.  He exudes joy.

What would your lives be without Phineas Sinclair?  I am so thankful we have this little boy in our each and every day.  He is precious beyond words.

Confessions

1)  I am completely disorganized and behind at the moment and still I am "wasting" time blogging because I just don't know where to begin...or just don't feel like beginning, perhaps?
2)  My husband bribes me with chocolate...lots of chocolate.
3)  My favorite time of day is nap time when all of my children are in their rooms and quiet.
4)  My second favorite time of day is 7pm when all of my children are in their rooms and quiet.  Trend?
5)  I hate temper tantrums and have to work VERY hard not to lose my temper during a temper tantrum...I am literally only a small step of self control ahead of my toddlers;)
6)  I eat chocolate and drink tea every afternoon.
7)  I dance in my kitchen when I'm feelin' like I need a little pick me up...and it's a good thing the only people that see me are under 5.
8)  My children will probably grow up to be terrible dancers because of #7.
9)  This week I chose to make cards instead of do my laundry and now my laundry pile is as tall as I am...but no regrets...not really anyway.
10) My daughter recently told me the story of overhearing someone getting invited to another person's house after church and she said, 'And MOM they said their house was messy but they wanted to have  ___ over anyway.  Is that okay?"  Perhaps my OCD freakishness is having negative effects!
11) Since my friend Carla outed me on facebook anyway...sometimes when I am home on days like today, I wear red lipstick so that I smile every time I pass a mirror.  (Mind you I don't really smile because I actually LOOK sexy or anything, but I like red and it pops off my milky white skin.  Sometimes I laugh because I look ridiculous, sometimes I glance in the mirror and remind myself I was a hot chick once and put a little swagger in my step.)
12)  I also put on red socks when I'm feelin' down
13)  I really like red
14)  My husband and I both use a little trick- when we are feeling frustrated with the kids and want to yell, "OH YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY" we let it out by yelling, "OOOO, I love you so much!"  It is funny to hear I love you in a "you drive me crazy" tone AND it makes the kids stop and say, "I love you too" ,touched as can be at the sentiment.  It also reminds us that sometimes love IS indeed a choice;)
15)  I like scents...good ones anyway...and love to light candles.  I used to hate florals, but I now love them.  It started small with an affinity toward lavendar, but I recently realized I am totally old when I started enjoying rose scent...
16)  Speaking of old, I love spanx.
17)  I have a zit in my nose that has been bugging me since Sunday...it's Thursday- how long could a zit possibly hang around?
18)  While I waited anxiously to hear mama for the first time from each of my children today I feel like I could probably go without every hearing it again...the kids are bathing and getting ready for bed and their "mama! Mama! Mama!"s are still ringing in my ears...
19)  Guess what?  my working out at the gym is paying off and I can go across the monkey bars- I couldn't do that this summer...I am an amazon woman...sort of...
20)  I love pizza....LOVE pizza.
21)  I drink diet coke out of sheer necessity...most days I'd give anything for a coke...well, anything except being heavy again, which is the whole reason I suffer through the diet crap...
22) I used to iron our sheets...total insanity, but it was heavenly to sleep on ironed sheets.  Now, I am so behind my iron board is lost under the mound of clothes that sit upon it waiting to be ironed.  I'll probably end up rewashing them instead.
23)  I love the show Survivor and have watched each and every season.
24)  I love cheesy movies....
25)  My husband just had an accident...he was carrying the bag of diapers from Chloe's diaper bin and one end wasn't tied tight enough...diapers fell all down the stairs.  I should have helped him but I sit ,here laughing hysterically as I listen to his, "oh gross, oh gross! This smell is horrible, I think I am going to vomit.  How can a human possible make such a horrific smell."  HILARIOUS;)
26)  No one really cares about this list...I wonder how long I could keep typing these random things?  I bet forever....

I'll spare you...and go help my husband, afterall he DID bring me home chocolate tonight!