Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Just huggin' a little tighter

A year ago today a couple from our church lost their little boy at 39 weeks of pregnancy. Desmond should be a year old today, instead they are faced with the year anniversary of his death. How are they getting through these days? I don't know if I could get out of bed. How do you find hope again?

I love to be sarcastic and make jokes about the frustrations of motherhood, but today all I can do is hug my kids a little tighter. We have no control. I can keep my children as safe and as healthy as possible but I have no control over their heart beat, I can't make them inhale and exhale. I know without a doubt that God is Sovereign and good; I know his heart breaks as he sees the pain M and E are experiencing- but how can one even make sense of the senseless? Oh that Jesus would return- this is such a broken and fallen world!

I have been profoundly changed by Desmond's death. I have lost two babies very early on in pregnancy and it was horrible. But who thinks loss is even a possibility when you are at the 39 week mark? I was 35 weeks pregnant when Desmond was still born. I had to chose fear or trust. I have to trust that whatever life throws my way God will carry me through; Life is painful.

Why am I so fortunate to have two beautiful children? I certainly don't know, but I do know "to whom much is given, much will be expected". Oh Lord, let me make the most of the days I have with them. Let me raise them to love and glorify you with their lives. Give me wisdom with discipline and help me to cherish them for the blessings they truly are. Lord help me not to lose sight of you when life is confusing and painful. Wrap your arms around M and E today and everyday. The pain of their loss is deeper than anything I can imagine- Please, Dear Heavenly Father, hold them tightly in the palm of your hand.

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