Brrr, Sniff, GRRR

Throb, throb, throb goes the head.  Sounds echo around inside- seeming to bounce from one throb to the next.  I just wish I could take a deep breath through my nose so my throat would get a break.  Anyone been there?  Anyone else there now with this change of weather?

I really do like fall, but at the moment I am having to remind myself of that.  I feel cold.  It's been damp and for me that damp cold feels bone chilling.  I do okay in 20 degrees all bundled up, but in this weather, one never seems adequately prepared and I am either an inferno or freezing.  As if I need more indecision in my life;)

Today, I really would like to be sitting in a hot bath- yes, all day.  No, I don't care if my finger, toes and everything else in between prunes.  I want the warmth and the stillness.  I'd take a cup of tea, the couch, and a nice brainless movie as a close second.  I won't get either for a couple more hours;)

Instead, I braved the grocery store with two grumpy littles.  I couldn't put it off because a) we were out of milk (the primary reason for CHLOE's grumpiness) and b) it's double coupon day and there was lots of freebies this week- namely yogurt, which we eat by the truckload.

I did manage to squeeze in a warm shower.  Unfortunately when drying off, I heard some crying followed by, "Chloe, I am sorry, I can't seem to get you out!".  Kind of a clue, I needed to investigate.  So a) I was immediately chilled to the bone because I was dripping went and b) I found that Phineas had locked his little sister in her bedroom.

Our doors are nearly impossible to unlock.  We've had a problem with him locking doors and not being able to get into the bathroom, etc.  Two of our bathrooms have loose door knobs because it takes a great deal of jimmyin' with a screwdriver and the knob to open the suckers.  I've never been able to open them.  Today I tried almost to the point of tears (mine, not Chloe's) and had to call Marc home, out of a meeting.  It took him about 15 minutes to get in.  If you are curious, that means Chloe was in her room for about 45 min.  She emptied her book shelf, but was safe.  Phin's "punishment" ended up working out well.  I told him immediately (in anger, I will admit), "You will sit right here next to the door and you won't move from that spot until we get Chloe out."  It was the longest time out of his life.  Hopefully it finally cures him of this little "trick".  I think the only thing truly damaged in the whole ordeal (besides the now THIRD loose door knob) were my bangs.

I cut bangs two weeks ago and wow, I now never have to wonder if air drying is an option.  I looked like I belonged on a mental ward.  Not to imply that I think all mental patients have bad hair....anywho, I am not sure I've done a great job "fixing" them, but now I look homely instead of psychotic.  I'll take sympathy from others over fear, I guess.

Anywho- my children are currently playing upstairs and it sounds like they may be forming a human tornado, but with the door shut it's more bearable than when they are fighting around my ankles.  I do believe I'll survive until their 7 o'clock bedtime.  It's so close now I can taste it and Survivor starts tonight- all the reason in the world to "push through";)

Our life at the moment....

When you have three children 6 and under- there is sure to be a lot of laughter.  I love the hilarious things my children say and may or may not have trouble disciplining them sometimes when they are disrespectful because it catches me so off guard I react in laughter without thinking.  Yes, sometimes, I can't help but laugh, but I also worry they'll never out grown their childish antics.  Somehow, recording them helps me remember these days will be "over before I know it".

Here are a few examples from the past week:

1) Chloe is number three and a feisty little girl.  She can make Phin cry and she knows it.  I am commonly having to intervene and help him learn to stand up to her teasing.  On our recent road trip, Marc and I were annoyed and yet couldn't help but laugh as Phin fell apart crying because He was imagining he was Buzz Lightyear and Chloe insisted he was not.
Phineas:  I am Buzz Lightyear- To Infinity and Beyond
Chloe (with smirk and nasty tone):  No you NOT!
Phin:  Yes, I am!
Chloe:  You not, Buzz, Pineas
Phin:  I AM BUZZ!
Chloe:  No you not!  No you Not!
Phin:  Chloe, stop saying that
Chloe:  YOU NOT BUZZ!
Phin:  Mommy, Chloe won't stop saying I'm not Buzz!

Imagine this occuring multiple times a day.  Headache inducing to say the least;)  But I know I'll miss it and when I step back, it's hilarious that this little butterball can make her rough and tumble brother cry at the drop of a hat.

2)  We were all in a hotel room together (lends for real quality sleep let me tell you!).  In order to make this work, Marc and I have to turn lights out along with kids (thank goodness for book lights and iphones;).  He and I were in the bathroom brushing our teeth.  Phin and Ava were to be changing for bed.  The bathroom door was open and we hear silliness, which is normal, but then we hear, "Anybody, want a penis? Anybody, want a penis?"

Pick your jaw up off the floor- yes, this is true.  We, of course, instantly investigate further and see Phin butt naked on the bed dancing around.  Ava and Chloe laughing hysterically.  We knew better than to laugh at the moment...I was honestly too horrified at the time to see the humor .  But he responded well to correction and it was obvious it was innocent...I just hope he outgrows this potty stage soon.  I now have worries that he'll do something absurd like this at school.  Where do these ideas come from? Certainly not from anything he sees and I am learning every day how LITTLE I understand boys!  (Though to be fair, I do remember thinking it was hilarious to show my butt to my sisters when I was really little...it probably is no different; I think it's just par for the course and there will be plenty more penis and poop jokes in the future;P  Aye Yaye Yaye!)

3)  Also in said, hotel...Marc slept with Phin and I with Ava...hoping to get the kids to sleep sooner.  Poor Marc was up ALL night.  Phin kept TICKLING him and patting his back.  Phin was up all night too and int he morning said, "I kept trying to play with Papa, but he was 'noring me!"  We told him he should have been sleeping too and Marc said, "Man I wish we had a camera set up.  This kid pestered me non-stop.  It's the kind of thing that would go viral on youtube."  Phin said,  "But I like to play with you papa, I don't want to sleep."

3)This morning I got up to go to the bathroom and noticed that two rubber snakes were staring at me from my bedroom door way.  I smiled and went back to bed.  I turned the light on to read a bit before making breakfast and starting the chaos that is my typical day.  A few minutes later, I hear in the loudest whisper you could possible imagine, "Ava!  Mommy's up!  Come watch THIS!"  I started laughing and said, "You stinker I already saw your snakes."  He responded with, "Oh! Man!"  I went back to my book and before I knew it I was hit with two snakes followed by hysterical laughter.

I am terrified of real snakes.  Not a little scared- but seriously phobic.  I break into a cold sweat even seeing pictures.  This morning was cute, but the day this kid brings a Garter snake into my house is the day you may have to call child protective service.

4)My children love the "Buddy" movies.  If you like a movie that resembles reality, you may have missed these blockbusters.  The Buddies are five dogs;  all kids of the famous movie star dog, Airbud.  They get in all sorts of mischief but always heroically fix it-  they've gone to space, on treasure hunts, etc.  I mean you're really missin' out if you haven't seen talking dogs in a space ship. 

My children play with five little puppy stuffed animals...all of them named after a "buddy".  I can't remember which stuffed animal is which, but they all know.  They are all technically Ava's toys, but usually she shares pretty well.  Chloe grabs them all as soon as Ava leaves for school.  Today, however, we couldn't find Rosebud.  She's the only girl buddy...and Chloe's favorite.  It was meltdown central ;round here.  Turns out, Ava is a bit sick of sharing and tucked Rosebud into her backpack and left her there during school.  When Chloe discovered this she said, with a head shake and much disappointment and disgust, "Oh, Ava!  Shame."

5)Our bedroom is turning into a family sleep quarters this week.  It think aggravated by being in a hotel room together and Marc's traveling during the week.  Ava always wakes me up and wants to describe her bad dream.  At three in the morning, I don't care...I always let her sleep on our couch after a dream so I usually try to rush the tale and get to the asking if she can sleep on our couch part.  Phin kindly doesn't say a word, he just comes in with his sleep stuff.  His coming is usually with the force of sheer terror however and his pound steps usually cause us to bolt awake.  This morning I noticed him on the floor but don't recall his arrival.  I asked him if he had a bad dream.  He replied, "Nope, I just like to all sleep together."  He was born into the wrong family.  We aren't into the co-sleeping thing...we'll be working on this one.  I'm kind of into the "our bedroom is OUR sanctuary" thing.

6) I suddenly heard massive crying coming from the playroom.  It was definitely the "I'm hurt" kind of cry.  It was followed by brothers crying and four feet running in my direction.  Before I could ask what happened, Phin cries, "Mommy, I didn't hit Chloe in the head with a bat"  (plastic bat, FYI)....um, sure you didn't, buddy.

Adoption Update- finally some news!!

Yesterday was 9/15.  THE DAY.  It came and it went.  People asked me at church this morning how I was...the answer- "fine".  I meant it sincerely.

Earlier this week I read a simple statement a friend posted on Facebook.  She adopted 12 or so years after being told she and her husband could never have a baby.  Two years later a miracle happened- they discovered she was pregnant.  They've since been trying to adopt again and been waiting and waiting.  A couple weeks ago they were stunned to discover she is miraculously pregnant a SECOND time.  She is savoring every vomiting moment.  She commented that she can't believe all she has to do is sit back and God takes care of all the work because with adoption their is so much paperwork and deadlines, etc.

It got me thinking.  I'm done with all the paperwork and deadlines unless Christian doesn't come home before they expire next June.  I am COMPLETELY out of control.  I need to sit back and let God take care of all the work.

Yesterday, 9/15 was the day IBESR was closing (for a few weeks and then it's a bit uncertain what the new law will entail).  Yesterday was also the four year anniversary of some friends of our losing their son Desmond.  He should have been one of Phin's first friends, but he was stillborn.  Emily carried him for 39 weeks and everything was fine.  But one knot in the umbilical cord and he was gone.  I'll never forget that day though we certainly weren't their closest friends.  I was 36 weeks pregnant with Phin and had suffered two miscarriages between he and Ava.  God ordains life and sometimes for reasons we'll never quite understand he calls babies home.  All our hopes/dreams/plans can do nothing to add a breath to anyone's life.  It truly is in the hands of God.

My friend Kim lost an adopted daughter.  A few months before bringing her home, they got a call that she'd had a seizure, and was not well.  They immediately flew to Korea and were with her as she died.  She was supposed to be completely healthy!  Instead of bringing her to the USA, they held her as she died and buried her in her homeland.

My friend Rox was so close to getting her referral when a law changed and her hopes were dashed.

Life is full of heart aches and uncertainty and no amount of crying or worrying can change that.  Each day with my children is a gift.  Each healthy breath they take a gift.  If God wills for Christian to come into our home, nothing will stop that.  Not changed laws or lost paperwork.  God is sovereign and holy and all knowing.  We don't know that this will be easy, we know God has led us on this journey and we know we only see dimly- he knows all and is in all.  He promises his presence, guidance, and peace.  We've been through trials, losses, and one thing I know in the depths of my soul is that I can trust God 100%.  His timing and HIS way is perfect.  This is know for sure.

I had peace this morning.  I had peace yesterday.  We may walk a long hard road, but we know God will be glorified and he is able to do immeasurable more than all we can ask or imagine.  He led us to adopt.  He provided Christian's referral and until he closes a door we continue to walk forth in faith.  We've felt led to pray that Christian will be home by Christmas.  We don't believe that is a promise, but we believe he is asking us to stretch our faith and pray.  That is what we will do- pray and believe.  God is able.  Because he hasn't shown otherwise, we continue to believe Christian is ours and will officially join our family some day.

That being said....as I sat down to blog, I quickly checked email.  Guess what?!  I know- you  can guess.  We recieved Christian's file number.  We are officially in the Social Services System in Haiti.  We are now in the disspensation process.  That means our file should be or will soon be at the presidential palace in Haiti awaiting his approval.  (From there we'll move to the court process.)

God is good.  We are thankful for the file number, but more thankful for all the reminders this week that is in control.  All we will do is pray and sit back and watch him build our family and bring our son Christian home in his perfect time.

Adoption Update

I've been hesitant to update on our adoption...waiting for the big "good news" to share.  But the wait has now turned into a prayer request.  I'll try to summarize our current standings as best I can.

We started our adoption in February.  The first step after applying with an agency is to put together a Dossier.  This is our very large batch of paperwork that gives the US and Haitian Government every detail of our lives.  It is our financial details, a home study done by a licensed social worker, references, medical information, back ground and criminal checks, psych evals, etc.  Once this is finished, we apply for pre-approval with US immigration.  We have completed all of this, along with having all of our paperwork authenticated by the US government and then translated into French.

Next, we received an accepted the referral of our boy- Christian Willy.  At this point, our Dossier is sent to Haiti for Authentication.  All this is done.

The next stage is for our Dossier and Christian's to be attached together and enter the Haitian system- starting with dropping it off in IBESR (Haitian social services).

Haitian social services closed at the beginning of May with the intent to clear out back logged Dossiers and reopen in August.  During this time, the Parliament of Haiti voted to ratify the Hague treaty.  Most third world countries who have ratified the Hague have ended up closing to adoption, because the US cannot allow adoption if they are in infringement of the treaty and most third world countries have a very hard time consistently meeting all the standards and jumping through all hoops that Hague requires.  (This is a very generalized summary and by no means an exhaustive explanation).  Haiti voted to ratify, but they have not yet done so.  Ratification requires dropping off official ratification notice in Switzerland.  Once that is done they have 90 days to be in compliance with the treaty.

Haiti has made some changes to it's adoption law.  However, knowing Dossiers were waiting to be accepted.  IBESR reopened on 8/16 and they said they would accept any Dossiers prepared between May and July through September 15.

We got an email on the morning of the 16th saying it was indeed open and we should have early file numbers because our facilitators were there first thing.  We didn't hear anything else that day.  We didn't hear anything the next day- Friday.  I emailed on Monday to see if I missed an email and was informed that Christians file was found to be missing a document- it sounds as if it was actually expired, not missing.  He needed verification of his abandonment signed by the mayor and they had an appt. Tuesday morning with the mayor.

This was signed and just needed the signature of the head of IBESR before returning to his file at which point we could officially enter our dossiers....and we are still waiting three weeks later.

We received an update today that the facilitator doesn't think it will be an issue, but we are well aware that 9/15 is Saturday.  There is a possibility it will not close, of course.

Please join us in praying that our paper work is submitted this week so we know we are officially in the system.  I feel quite teary today.  I just want to bring my baby home.  It is so out of our control.  We have to trust God who is bigger than circumstances and bigger than my fears.  We know he is able to do immeasurable more than all we can ask or imagine.

Though, we know it is improbable we continue to pray Christian is home by Christmas.

For those of you curious about the process once we are officially submitted to IBESR, here is the Current Adoption process (adapted from the blog of All Blessings International, our wonderful agency).

The Current Haitian Adoption Process

The many steps listed below are those all the Creche Directors of Haiti must follow for each and every adoption. Add to their number the extreme difficulty of accomplishing each one: every step must be accomplished in person and by hand.

Most of the offices listed do not have computers. There will be no communications by fax or email or even by official phone calls. Facilitators must visit each office personally to check on the status of each case, and carry it by hand through the traffic of Port-au-Prince to the next stage of the process.

Pre-IBESR
While you are gathering your dossier and before your case ever enters IBESR, your adoption facilitator had to gather each of the following documents:

1. Passport pictures of the child
2. Birth Certificate
3. Attestation of signature on Birth Certificate or extract from the National Archives
4. Legal relinquishment of custody to the orphanage from the local judge
5. Psychological evaluation
6. Medical evaluation
7. Laboratory tests
8. Social history
9. Proces Verbal (A legal document in which the biological family grants the creche the right to place their child with your family for international adoption. Can only be completed after your dossier is in Haiti.)

IBESR and Dispensation
Your dossier can now be submitted to IBESR. If your family does not meet the criteria of the law of 1974, your dossier can be pre-approved for Presidential Dispensation and delivered to the Presidential Palace by IBESR. Dispensations are published in Le Moniteur. Following Dispensation, IBESR will sign off on your dossier and grant an Authorization of Adoption.
Time lines for this step have been highly inconsistent in the past year.
Parquet Court
The 'step' we refer to as Parquet court is actually a very complex series of steps and processes involving multiple offices and repeated trips between them.

1. Attorney addresses a Request for Judgment to the Chief Justice of Parquet Court
2. Birth parents are interviewed in Parquet Court
3. Parquet Court signs off on "approval judgement for adoption
4. Facilitator takes approval to DGI for stamp of authorization
5. Back to Parquet for enforcement of the approval judgement
6. Authorization and redaction from the Civil Registrar Officer for legal Adoption Decree
7. Verification in parquet of the adoption documents by the Civil Registrar before signing the adoption decree
8. First Legalization of the Adoption Decree, in Parquet Court
9. Second Legalization of the Adoption Decree, at the Ministry of Justice
10. Third Legalization of the Adoption Decree, at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs
11. Obtain attestation of Adoption Decree from the National Archives

Ministry of the Interior
All international adoption cases are reviewed by the Ministry of Interior. In order to obtain authorization to request a passport, the following documents must be submitted for each child:

1. Four passport sized pictures
2. Birth Certificate
3. Attestation for the Birth Certificate
4. Extract from the National Archives for the Birth Certificate
5. Relinquishment
6. Proces Verbal of adoption
7. Adoption approval judgement
8. Adoption Decree
9. Attestation of the Adoption Decree
10. Power of Attorney for creche director and/or attorney
11. Stamp from DGI
12. Notary letter for the passport
13. Identification card of facilitator and/or attorney on the case
14. Biological parents' identification cards
15. Adoptive parents' MOI form, identification, and passport photos

The Ministry of Interior will grant authorization to submit the dossier to Haitian Immigrations for a passport.
Haitian Immigrations
The facilitator will submit authorization to apply for a passport to Haitian Immigrations. This is generally a quick process - one to two weeks, if all equipment is working properly.
US Immigrations
Parts of the US Immigrations process can occur concurrently with the Haitian process, however USCIS cannot sign off on the case until they have verified the final Adoption Decree and the child's passport. DNA may be requested at any time.
American families are advised to work closely with their agencies to ensure a smooth and efficient US Immigrations process for their child.
Approximately three to four weeks following completion of all USCIS investigations and adjudication of the I600 for the child, the case will be forwarded to the Department of State for issuance of a Visa. The Department of State also has the right to request DNA testing for birth parent and child. Adoptive parents need not be present for the Visa appointment.
Parents who can prove that they visited their child prior to the issuance of the Adoption Decree by Parquet Court will be issued an IR-3 Visa. Their children will be automatically granted full US Citizenship upon arrival in the US.
Families who did not visit their children prior to the date of the Adoption Decree must file for citizenship for their children. Failure to file for citizenship will leave the child as a legal immigrant and unprotected by the rights of full citizenship. Please refer to the USCIS website for form N-600 and instructions on how to file.
Summary
These steps were provided by Margarette Saint Fleur of BRESMA orphanage. All legitimate adoptions facilitators must follow each one of them, and must do so under extremely difficult conditions.

Haitian adoptions are taking far, far too long. Children are waiting in orphanages for months and even years while the process drags on. And yet, when we look at the immensely complicated process, we must realize what a miracle it is when each child comes home.
When you travel to pick up your child at last, thank the people who made your adoption possible. No amount of money could ever cover the exhaustion and frustration they endure for each case, and most of them work for very little or no pay at all. Their reward is seeing the children they live for go home with families who will love and cherish them for the rest of their lives.
Thank your facilitator by telling her how grateful you are for her work, and thank her by sending her pictures over the years of your child growing up safe and happy. It is their sacrifices that make our adoptions and our families possible.

First Day of Preschool

Smoothies for breakfast in honor of Phin's special day....

Cheers!

Cheers!

....no cheers.  A very sad little man, who has decided he isn't going to school.

We then had a discussion about nervousness and in talking he was able to remember the things he is looking forward to doing in school.  I thought I might help him out further, so I told him I would kiss his palms and he could put his hand on his cheek whenever he missed mommy and it would be just like I was giving him a kiss.  His response?  a look or mortification that clearly communicated that at three he already knows I am a dork.  Then he said, "I won't miss you mommy."  I replied, "I will sure miss you, buddy and Chloe will too."  he then stated, "I might miss Papa, but I won't miss you girls."  Ha ha!

Picture one- he popped up four fingers all on his own.

Mommy:  That's a cool idea buddy but you aren't 3, your 4.

Phin:  I am closer to 4 than three now mommy and I don't have any half fingers.

Chloe needed the pacifier this morning to get through the picture...one sad little lady.

Back packs...and a two year old back fittin' right in!:)

And then our little photo shoot in an effort to get a good photo...but he was too excited to stand still- the little booger;)

Yep a happy little clam...

And just for memories sake, here is some of his handiwork:

He had to color this shoe for the wall at school.  It's the 1st time he's written his name with the "eas" at the end...the "s" was "tricky"

This is Phin and Papa.  He put it on the fridge and when I asked, "Is that you and Papa?"  He answered in the affirmative and then told me "You and the girls are on the back"

When I flipped it over, he said, "Your arm is really long so it can reach around to hold Papa's hand cuz you and Papa love each other."   (Yep, my eyes got a bit teary...if there is only one thing my kids remember about growing up, aside from God's love and salvation, may it be that their parents loved each other!)

Another little step toward independence...We're proud of our little munchkin;)