Day One

I've started the encouragement challenge. What a blessing already to be aware of my need to bite my tongue. Oh that God would help me be "swift to hear and slow to speak"! I journaled through all the reasons I am so glad to be Marc's wife. Had I more time of peaceful quiet by myself, I do believe I could have written a hundred pages. It's nice to take time to focus on the positve and I am finding myself completely humbled. My husband is such a gracious man and in our ten year marriage has learned, despite it not coming naturally, to be a servant. He is a godly man who easily admits his faults and will never stop working to make the grass on the other side look completely brown. He's quite simply, amazing and I do love him.

It's only day one and already I found myself "feeling" more love by "chosing" to being more loving. God is cool like that, isn't he? I am thinkin' this just might be a year we really celebrate Valentines and all it's cheesiness. Why not?! I am going to just bask in love and enjoy every cotton pickin' cheesy moment of it...romantic comedy, candles...and CHOCOLATE:)

Emotional Me

I am a bit emotional this evening. I had a wonderful talk with a friend today about marriage and in meditating on it afterward, I realized I have gotten a little too comfortable. Marc and I have a great relationship and it's taken A LOT of work to get there/or stay here depending on how you look at it. We've been married ten years and this blog couldn't begin to contain all the joys and struggles we've faced during that time. How we both have grown and changed during that time! Marc is far from perfect, but one of the things I so appreciate about him is that he is almost always willing to admit his faults and really strives to work on them. He gets lazy or loses perspective from time to time but when he realizes he's fallen off the horse, he dusts himself off and gets back on.

Lately I've been really tired and critical. He's been stressed at work and I've frankly found the whole thing annoying. Instead of caring for him and the load he is bearing, I've been frustrated that his stress is complicating my life. How selfish!

I've been thinking for a while about doing the 30-day Husband encouragement Challenge.

(http://www.reviveourhearts.com/pdf/30DayChallenge.pdf) I had tried to do it after Ava was born and lost steam. Lately I'd thought a time or two about trying again and committing to following through, yet I hadn't actually taken the time to find it again on the internet. After mentioning to my friend today that I had been thinking about it, I felt like I had to finally follow through;) Already day one is convicting to my current critical self "saying nothing negative about you husband to him or anyone else." I hate to admit that this will be hard for me.

I love to point out when he forgets to take out the trash, leaves an empty toilet paper roll in place, doesn't make the bed, leaves laundry on the floor, etc. All little things I just have to point out that really only serve to kill his spirit. As mentioned in my recent book review, I was recently reminded that if Marc was perfect I'd be the only one in the relationship who was ever wrong!

Because Valentine Day is coming, I recieved an email today from Hearts at Home on love. "Immature love is a noun. Mature love is a verb." Below is an additional excerpt from that email:

Love as a noun spent all last week wondering what your spouse was going to do for you for Valentine's Day. Love as a verb spent all last week preparing your expression of love for your spouse. Love as a noun feels despair when you no longer feel "in love" with the person you are married to. Love as a verb understands the ebb and flow of feelings. It focuses more on expressing love than feeling love. Love as a noun demands its own way. Love as a verb works to understand differences and is open to new ways of doing things. Love as a noun finds faults in others. Love as a verb gives grace and forgiveness. Love as a noun expects others to serve them. Love as a verb serves freely. Love as a noun expects to always feel warm and fuzzy and "in love." Love as a verb realizes that often we have to choose to love even when we don't feel like it.

So- I have found the 30-day challenge and I am going to quit being a baby and treating love as a noun. I should know better! I do love my husband and I am going to make sure I start ACTING it out! If you want to join me, let me know. We can hold each other accountable!

Book Review- Plain Wisdom

I recently joined a couple publishers blogging review sites. They send me free books in exchange for a review- cool, right?! I have finished my first book.

This is a book written by a best selling author and her dear friend, a member of the Old Amish Order. It was a delightful book- heartwarming, to say the least!

Each chapter has a topic and each woman writes a small bit on that topic; the book also contains, much to my delight, recipes referenced in their descriptions (YAY!). The title couldn't be more fitting. The book is filled with simple nuggets of wisdom that all women can relate to on some level, but that encourage and challenge the reader. I was glad to find, when I received the book, that the layout would lend itself to being read in small moments of time (like when I arrive a few minutes early for preschool pick up) and intended to keep it in my purse. Two chapters into the book, however, it was out of my purse and my "to dos" were put away. It was such a refreshing read, that I didn't want to put it down. It was well, but simply written so I finished it in two days (even with my three kids, whom, I promise, I did not neglect;)

Our lives are filled with joys and pain and through them we learn and grow. These women authentically share the things they have learned through good and bad. It was such a priviledge to read and filled my heart.

We all come from different places, were raised in different family cultures, have had different experiences that shape who we are, but God is the same. He has created each of us to love him, love others, and be loved in return. This book takes us on a journey of learning to do each one. I was reminded once again of the treasure that I have in my family and my need to not get caught up in busyness and miss what life has to offer me. I was challenged on how I often view myself and others. I was encouraged to hope and be joyful. It was like having coffee with a really good friend and finding myself energized.

While I will reread this book and certainly find more gems of knowledge, two chapters especially stuck out to me this time. Here are two quotes from said chapters:

"I had no more value after I became an author than when I was home tending to runny noses, little bumps and bruises , and laboring over hard-fought-for school lessons my children would never remember learning (even though the skill became a part of them). Our value can't be wrapped inside what others think or we think, because that is too dependent on this ever-shifting world. The value God places on us makes us more than we think we are, even on our hardest days, weeks, or years."

"When your friends aren't perfect, be grateful- because if they were you'd be the only one in the relationship who wasn't."

I encourage you to pick up a copy of this book (it will be release 3/15/11) or download it onto your eReader. You'll find a smile coming to your face and joy filling your heart.

(This book was given to be free from the publisher in exchange for my honest review.)

Secrets to "How I do it"

Having three kids is a relatively small family here in Sheboygan, but to many of my Chicago and college friends it is large. (When we were pregnant with Chloe we got quite a few "why? You already have boy and a girl?" or "woah, I guess you guys are gluttons for punishment.") Quite a few people without children or people with one or two children will say to me, "Wow, I don't know how you do it." I usually just laugh cuz let's face it we all do what we have to do. Anyone is capable of doing my life and quite frankly most would probably do a better job at it.

I had to laugh today as I was getting out of the house with my kids and realized perhaps I do have a few secrets that I should share.

1) Getting out of the house is a headache, everytime and sometimes I actually break a sweat. Here is how I have developped our getting out plan: I start the car first (it IS winter in Sheboygan). Then I get Chloe bundled up and put her in the running car, then Ava, and then Phin. Then I go back into the house, put my own boots and coat on and gather our things. Here is the confession- sometimes they are in the car for a good 5-10 minutes. I seize the opportunity to do things like actually go to the bathroom by myself- after all they are all buckled in and not going anywhere. Moms of one child would probably be horrified at this; it has become a sanity saver for me.

2) We eat fast food atleast one day a week and more if I feel like it. I strive to feed them healthy but I give myself a lunch off once a week. No set up and no clean up means being able to take a breather during naptime. If it's a bad week it happens more than once and I really never feel very guilty about it.

3) My kids watch one hour of TV every morning from 8-9. Chloe usually doesn't go down to nap until 8:30, but I use this time to clean up the kitchen, shower/dress, and have a little quiet time to myself. If mama ain't taken care of the day just is all discombobulated. They often also watch a half hour from 4:30-5 cuz some days I just can't handle them in my way while I'm trying to get dinner ready. I once swore my kids would hardly ever watch TV...and then I had kids.

4) My kids clean up after themselves. Sure it is a headache in the beginning to teach them and in that moment would probably be easier to do myself, but it's worth the teaching. I have plenty to do without picking up after them. Ava being four also does the dusting, sets the table, and helps with the dishes. After dinner both Ava and Phin clear their own plates and help put things like ketchup and butter away. They also put away their own folded laundry. (There are risks to this one, as sometimes I find Phin's piles in the linen closet or bathtub- who knows what goes on in a two year old's head!)

5) I have a cleaning lady. This week she didn't make it because of the snow. We live in a big house. I did not have a moment of rest yesterday. I even had to vacuum while holding Chloe. With kidcare and cleaning I was literally on my feet for 13 hours....can't do that every day and be nice to my husband- therefore cleaning lady. I cannot do a messy or dirty house for very long- I start getting itchy acting insane...no one wants that:)

6) Chloe sometimes has to cry in her crib until I am finished with what I am doing. Ava never even cried. I'd here her chatting and rush to her side. Poor Chloe has to cry loud enough to get my attention and even then has to wait a minute or two while I wrap up what I am doing.

7) We have a date night once a week.

8) I totally pick my battles, therefore, I ignore my son when he steals lollipops and sometimes find candy wrappers in the play area that I had no idea were consumed.

9) Sometimes when it's a bad day and I just need a few minutes to think, we go for a drive. I get out the DVD player that we are only supposed to use for long trips and let the older two watch a show. Chloe is always good and quiet in the car. Sometimes I just need a few minutes of thinking time...so if you see my driving in circles you now know why.

10) My husband helps a lot...he's the real super hero in the family. He does dishes and picks up regularily, doesn't complain when we have to do an errand or two on date night, and is very gracious when he is out of clean laundry (like Tuesday this week when I had forgotten to put the whites in the dryer the day before and he had no clean underwear).

"If You Think My Hands are Full, You Should See My Heart"

I saw this quote on a t-shirt today and fell in love with it! I cannot tell you the number of times I am out with my three kids and I hear, "You really have your hands full, don't you?" Of course, it's usually said with a smile in kindness, but for some reason it just kind of annoys me. I politely just answer "yes", but the more authentic me is sayingto myself, "Gee, you think?" I don't know exactly why this annoys me. Perhaps I have some deep psychological issues or perhaps it isn't deep at all. Surely, there is a twinge of jealousy when a person shopping on their own says this to me. Let's face it, doing Target alone vs. doing it with three kids is completely different! (For those who've never had the opportunity to experience both, let me enlighten you. Doing it alone is fun, doing it with three kids is an adventure of varying levels of enjoyment/misery depending on the day and the said children's behavior.) Whatever the reason for my momentary annoyance, now I have a new response! Sure, it might be a little hair raising to do errands in 10 degree weather with three itty bitty's, but I love my life!

I don't know when or how that happened- or even why...my goodness on onlooker might think I'm insane to love this chaos. I mean today alone, my son has almost wrecked our plasma TV by throwing Sheriff Woody across the room to Buzz Lightyear. My daughter stuck stickers on my refrigerator that I needed to remove with GooBeGone (thank God for that stuff). My son took me literally when I told me to throw his lunch in the trash and literally THREW his plate from the table to the trash, splattering ketchup all over the kitchen floor and cabinets. All this and it is just after 12noon.

Yes, I live in Chaos, but I love these little boogers. My heart indeed is infinitely more full than my hands.