Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Adoption Update

It's easy for me to lose track of time.  Christian has been home just under three months.  It's hard to believe.  In so many ways, it seems like he's been here forever.

Today we had a wonderful first.  He asked me for a snack.  Seems like such a crazy first to celebrate, but he has been served meals and snacks on schedule his entire life.  There is no asking for extra's whenever you want.  I don't know that he knew when he was hungry or that something could be done about it.  He always eats when we give him food, because again, that is what he is supposed to do.  He has some minor behaviors that reflect this- sometimes he holds food in his mouth for ridiculous amounts of time so that he doesn't have to eat more.  I am making him swallow them and then teaching him to say "All Done" when he is finished.  He used to just leave the table and hold in in there for who knows how long.  Now he can't get down unless his mouth is empty but when he's done, he's done.  We've made great progress with this.

He likes snacks and always says, "yes", when I ask him if he wants ones.  He has also tried to help himself to food, but I have taught him repeatedly, "You need to ask mommy first."  Today he did!  We were in the car and he said, "Mommy, snack please?"  YAY!  I didn't have any snacks, so I pulled right over to McDonalds and got him French Fries cause it was the quickest way to reward his learning.  YAY!  It was a victory.

There are also struggles, of course.  When Marc is away, as he just was, Christian acts up more and is very clingy.  He also has trouble sleeping.  When Marc got home tonight, Christian gave him a really tough time at bedtime.  This is unusual- he is a great sleeper.  Tonight, he seemed to be trying to make Marc pay for leaving him;)  He was only gone one night:)

His food issues may also be control issues, it's hard to decipher the reasons behind everything.  That is probably the hardest thing.  He can't control much of what is going on, but food he can.  I can't tell sometimes if he's full, doesn't like the food that moment, or is struggling for some reason at that time.  I don't think I always handle it correctly! 

In general, I am really learning what a lot of adoptive moms warned me about- to try to figure out what is just a personality or sin issue and what is an adoption issue.  When he does something wrong, do I discipline him or reassure him?  Is he acting out for some reason or just being a naughty 2 1/2 year old?;)  He definitely does act out for attention sometimes.  This is clear.  I am trying to hold him whenever he wants (which is hard because sometimes it means my to do list goes undone) so he gets positive attention and it's asked for in appropriate ways and when he hurts a sibling instead of disciplining him (which is negative attention, but attention) we sort of ignore him and give the hurt one a LOT of attention.  I think this is having an impact.  It's always hard.  We want to teach him boundaries, but sometimes the attention (even if negative) is a reward to him.  Yet, I also want him to learn to apologize and get restored and forgiven.  I feel like we are on a tight rope sometimes.

He is adorable.  He is so sweet.  He is hilarious.  He loves music.  He loves all of us.  He is just precious.  I love him.

Please pray for wisdom.  That God would show us how to care for his heart and mold him in ways that heal and don't inflict further trauma.  May we be proactive and not reactive!  That is so hard and yet so vital!

Enjoy some cute kid pictures;)

He loves to make little "forts" for himself, under the table or between stools like this.  He gets especially happy when one of us joins him.

I found him cuddling with Chloe actually watching a TV show on Monday;)  Be still my heart;)

These two are just BUDS.  They are such trouble and have so much fun causing it;)

He really looks up to Ava and does most anything she says...thankfully she is a good big sister and is using that in helpful and not harmful ways;)

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful update, Kim! I had to laugh reading about some of Christian's food-isms as Nora does many of the same things ... she stores food in her cheeks like a chipmunk, and she is notorious for trying to steal Lydia's snack before she eats her own.

    I'm really enjoying your advent series as well, you're so creative!