I've Lost My Mind (or part of it!)

Do any other moms fear their mental capacity may be gone forever? I am so tired of having "mommy" brain! I read in a book that it isn't a real phenomenon, that during pregnancy women get more forgetful because they are so self focused during this time. I am pretty sure this author must be childless or is a man. First of all, this "mommy brain" thing lasts past pregnancy and secondly, I don't know when in my life I have been LESS self- focused.

I am pretty sure that lack of sleep is the driving force behind my missing brain; it is much worse after Phin and I spent the first 4-5 months of his life with no more than an hour and a half of sleep at a time. Reasonably, I was functioning only in survival mode. The problem for me lies in the fact that I am now sleeping decently- I could use more, but for the most part I get a 7-8 hour night consistently. My brain does not seem to be responding to this rest!

My critical thinking appears to still be in tact. My comprehsion also seems to have returned- I am, for example, currently reading War and Peace without difficulty, whereas 2-3 months ago I wouldn't have been able to focus enough on the book to keep track of it's many characters and infusion of french culture. My memory, however, is bad- bad, bad, bad. Oh I seem to be able to remember my husband's offenses- that little thing love is NOT supposed to do, but I can't remember where I put things or honor committments if they haven't been immediately written down. Maybe if I emotionally attach a deep feeling to every request or task, I'll remember.

If I could easily recall where the memory center in my brain is (as a good former neuro nurse should), I would wonder if I had a brain tumor or something; then again my friends claim to be in the same boat. It is frustrating! Yesterday, my mom gave me a 50% off Michael's coupon, that expired yesterday, to use on cake decorating supplies. I got in the car confirmed the date on the coupon and then looked up a Michael's on the GPS to stop on our way home. Somewhere in between looking at the coupon and finding the Michael's I lost the coupon. Surely I put it somewhere, but it is lost. I was so frustrated that I SEARCHED the car, my purse, like crazy. (Marc patiently waited outside the car with both kids for literally twenty minutes.) I didn't even car about the 50% off, but I was near tears. How could I literally forget my actions? Where did I put it? How could I totally forget within ten minutes?

Let this serve as a warning: first, if I forget something you tell me or ask me to do- you aren't special. I forget everything and I am sorry. Second, if I repeat a request with an angry or overly excited voice- i am trying out my new "attach an emotion" and see if you remember technique. Third, if I go insane from racking my brain to remember things (it literally hurts sometimes!), be nice to me.