Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Feeling rather sorry for myself...

Today is almost over...almost.  I have under an hour until my kiddos go to bed and the two littles are making beautiful mischief in my cupboards at the moment. I actually love watching them play together...they are so cute.   Phin talks and Chloe complies or loudly proclaims, "NO!  Mine!"  Hilarious.  Logically, I know life is good.  Even as I write, I realize the drama I am chosing internally is not really necessary;)

I just finished off an entire Toblerone bar.  It was delicious, but usually I don't fall prey to finishing entire packages of I drowned my "sorrows" in chocolate.  I am tired and hormonal, so anything could seem abit dismal, but today I have good ammunition for my dramatic internal pity party!  First, I had a Gyne appt. this morning.  I don't know why I am not more used to pap smears by now, but I just don't like them.  I always feel like I accomplished something great when I leave the gyne.  As soon as I saunter out into the hall post appointment, every muscle in my body relaxes and I realize I was probably tense all morning.  I just don't like someone pokin' around in my goods, while chatting about the book I am currently reading.  It's just weird to talk about a movement to end China's one child policy while someone is completely invading my personal space.  Call me crazy- but it makes me anxious and more than a little uncomfortable.

To top it off, I spent the afternoon at the dentist.  I had 4 cavities filled and am now beginning a treatment program aimed at increasing the strength of my teeth and descreasing susceptibility to tooth decay.  I have very weak teeth.  I hate the dentist.  I mean, not her personally- I actually really like her, but I cannot stand vibration in my mouth.  I find the polishing after cleaning (which occured last week) sheer torture.  Literally, I have to pray my entire way through it.  Today?  Well, today was 10x worse because the vibration is drilling and drilling means there is sound on top of the feeling; it makes me feel physically ill.  Let's not talk about how I feel about getting shots in my mouth.  I spent an hour fighting back tears that spilled forth as soon as I got into my car to head home.  Almost all my teeth are filled and I have 4 crowns, you'd think I'd be a pro at all this, but it causes great anxiety.  It doesn't seem to get easier....and does anyone else hate when dentists ask them questions they couldn't possible answer because they have three hands and a bunch of other stuff in their mouth.  I feel like I can't breath, am about to choke, and find it extremely frustrating to not be able to answer or really participate in conversation.  I mean REALLY for a girl who talks to much- that fact alone is kind of tortuous to her emotional well being.

Two anxiety ladden experiences in one day is all the reason I need to feel weepy and drown my sorrows in chocolate.  My poor husband.  I have no energy left after keeping much of my body tense for much of the day and I am emotional...for no logical reason.  But see...blogging about it actually helps me laugh at myself.  I know I am just ridiculous sometimes....hopefully some of you readers are too.  Thank God I only bought ONE Toblerone bar...though the jar of nutella in the pantry has been calling my name as I type.  Does ayone know if "anxiety" counts as a workout in Weight Watchers?  I could use a few extra points...


  1. I know this probably isn't suppossed to be a funny post, but I can't help but laugh at that fact that you are writing about a pap smear-hilarious :) I love how open you are 'cause lets face it, that is life and we all should be able to relate! I'm glad that your stressful day is over's to hoping for a better tomorrow! Love, Karla

  2. Actually it is supposed to be funny...I was having a real pity party and had to poke a little fun at myself.