You'd think I was born with ants in my pants....

I don't know when I became an anxious person, but somewhere along the way I did. Gone are the days of my carefree former self. They've been gone for quite a while, actually. Perhaps they disappeared as I became an adult and was aware of life's responsibilities.

I hate anxiety. It produces nothing and cost so much! In the end, I worry about things that I have no control over! It is a complete a waste of time and ENERGY!

I am feeling a bit under the weather. I started getting a cold last weekend, but because we were on vacation I was able to rest and keep it from ravaging my body. Once we got home, into the "real world", the cold started winning no matter how hard I try to fight it off. I am exhausted and feel like my mind is as bad as it was in the days of Phin's refusals to sleep. (This feeling has been reinforced by friends curious looks at my attempts to hold up my end of conversation.)

I realized today that my anxiety has gotten me in this predicament. First of all, home has responsibilities, so I can't just lay around and watch TV and let's face it, that is all I feel like doing when my head is more pressurized than an anticyclone. For some reason I allow the silliest things to cause great anxiety. I can't lay down to rest during my kids nap time, for example, if the house is a mess. I am also a bit obsessive about toys being put in their PROPER places, so even if Ava has picked up, I get crazy about redoing it after she's asleep so it's all in order- only to get destroyed again within minutes of her waking up. Often, it takes me so long to settle my mind that by time I start to fall sleep, Phin is a stirrin'.

My most recent anxiety producer has been my money saving. I am hooked on this crazy money saving grocery gig, but I am still new at it. This week was double coupons at Kmart. Kmart is a crazy, unorganized place. It wasn't an easy endeavor, but I was determined to find all the deals. I spent 3 hours in Kmart on Wednesday evening. Yes, you read that right. Grant it, if I ever shopped at Kmart, I would have been able to navigate it easier, but it was still a mess. I got some amazing deals, amazing- lots of free things, but I also didn't do it "perfectly". I was tired and didn't feel good and I forgot some of the extra coupons that I had. I saved a ton of money, but as I went to bed on Wednesday evening, I started to realize the ways that I didn't execute my mission to perfection and figured out that I should have saved $24 more than I did.

I COULD not sleep. I was up until 2 going over and over and over the experience in my head. I would have paid 24 hundred dollars to fall sleep. I saved A LOT of money and yet was losing sleep over not doing it "better". I evidently don't allow myself much of a learning curve.

Not surprising, I woke up on Thursday and again today feeling crappier than before. No naps and poor sleep=worsening cold;P

The bible says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition make your requests known to God." God TOTALLY knows our needs and he is SO aware that anxiety is completely worthless. I worry over things that I cannot control; God is in control. He is probably shaking his head at me, SCREAMING- "relax, girl, I've got this." I have GOT to pray more, worry less and start to sit back and enjoy watching him work!