Monday, December 1, 2014

The bliss of being in the calm after the storm

It's no secret that the last year or so of our lives was hard.  We don't need to rehash move, stress of unplanned construction, adoption, finding about we'd be moving again, having it fall through....ya da ya da ya da.  It was not a life ending trial or unbearable period of suffering,  but living the last year kind of felt like running a marathon without frequent water stations, on a uncomfortably hot day, and running the majority of the race through manure.  Just kind of steady struggle to keep pushing forward with little moments of reprieve just barely long enough to keep you going.

But I find myself now very aware that we are now in the calm after the storm.  It is lovely.  I was diagnosed about a couple months ago with Hashimoto's disease.  It sounds terrifying and yet is kind of fun to try to say times times fast.  What is it?  It is a very treatable autoimmune disease that affects your thyroid.  You'd think the diagnosis would be frightening and in some ways it is: it just stinks to find out you have a life long condition, but it was also instantly an all consuming relief.  I kept pushing through exhaustion, and a funk just thinking it was stress (stress definitely affects it) and that I needed to "get my act together";)  I was fighting trying to find  my joy again and daily fighting the urge to just nap and nap and nap.  Knowing that there was something physically wrong and not just me being lazy or not coping was like a burden lifted from my shoulders.  I don't just need to "get it together"....I need medicine.

It was hard to decide how aggressively to treat, I am in the early stages and I've spent far too much time reading far too much information, plowing through research articles, and reluctant to start a medicine that I'd have to take the rest of my life.  I prayed and it just became clear that it was the best course of action.  I started on meds about six weeks ago.  I feel better than I have felt in a LONG time.  Four kids is still busy;)  But I feel more like who needs a little extra cushioning after a busy weekend, but giving myself permission to take the needed naps without guilt is liberating!

On top of that, life has stabilized in so many ways.  Christian still has struggles and he's THREE, but he's settled more than every before (as would seem obvious).  We are seeing a new settling to his relationship with Phin.  A true BRO bond is there now.  They are at ages where they can play more and they have their own "things.".  Chloe and Christian are both in preschool and Phin and Ava in School.  I have THREE mornings a week to breathe, catch up, and enjoy the quiet in the house.  Ava has finally dropped her "new kid" complex and is really developing special friendships that SHE is confident in.  Phin has blossomed in Kindergarten.

We're finding our niche' at our church.  It's becoming like a second family.  We are slowly building friendships.  It's like the marathon is over and we are enjoying lunch;)

I have friends here I really am getting to know and love.  My kids do.  My husband does...and we live by my totally awesome family;)  I am able to enjoy my sister babies and smile at the days to come.  I feel like I am finding my place here and starting to uncover the roles God has me to play.

Sometimes we just need to take a moment and inhale and look around and see all the blessings that accumulated while we were dredging through poop.  God is faithful, we knew it in the midst of it, his Presence and provision was life itself....but on the other side, as all has calmed, it's just fun to see all the provisions that crept in there unawares.

That being said...I have been terrible at blogging and often I fall asleep so early in the evenings you'd think I was pregnant (No I am not;).  I should be steadily improving with this Hashimoto's business and I am going to do my best to blog through Advent.  My favorite time of the year is here...but my commitment is to put my energy into enjoying the season first and blogging about it second, so it may not happen daily, but who knows, maybe I'll surprise myself;)  Happy Advent friends, may you all be experiencing a calm in this season of so much busyness.

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