March 17, 2006- A little girl entered the world, who'd I've been getting to know in utero. I knew I loved her, but I wasn't prepared for the unspeakable way my heart burst at the first sight of her. I didn't know at the time there was a crisis. I just remember a bit of confusion as a nurse ran from across the room at something the doctor said, and forcefully gave a push at the top of my belly. Later I learned her head was delivered but her shoulders were stuck- a situation in which they have very little time to get baby out before there is a crisis. She also had meconium. Because of these things, they immediately took her to the examination area instead of laying her on my chest as planned. I could hear her crying, but I could only see her two little feet. It was a bit of a fog until that moment. I can still remember that precious cry and those two kicking pink feet. Two tiny version of my very own feet. I started sobbing. She was mine in a way I couldn't describe. My heart felt so full I thought it would burst. I knew a new kind of love, and it was amazing.
October 22, 2008- After a long induction and the worst labor I could have imagined due to intense shaking and vomiting (I literally thought I was going to die), a little boy was born. Instead of just being relieved that the labor was over, all discomfort was erased as I saw the most handsome little creature in the world. The first thing I noticed were his two front teeth. I had to check again to make sure I wasn't imagining things;) Again my heart full of love took over my entire presence. All discomfort forgotten, I sobbed. My beautiful Phineas had arrived; and though I couldn't previously imagine my heart had any more room for love, it filled even more. It was overwhelming.
June 15, 2010- A short labor. I remember this one in detail. I'd been through it before; this time I was completely present in the process. I was not trying to get my mind in another "happy" place to deal with the pain, but just embracing the moments, knowing this labor might be my last- knowing the beauty that lay at the end of the pain. Beauty couldn't begin to describe sweet Chloe when she entered into the world. Her face- oh my, her face, was pure preciousness! My heart gushed again- love taking over my body from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. Sobbing, so familiar, once again took hold. My sweet Chloe captured my heart just like each of the others...sometimes my heart felt so full I wondered if my chest could contain it. I felt blessed beyond measure.
July 13, 2012- A long horrible night, interrupted first by a child's nightmare, next by a child's stomach bug, and finally by my dear husband remembering at 4am that he left the hose running;) I woke up exhausted, praying I'd make it through the day ahead with joy- knowing I'd likely be doing vomit clean-up and cuddling. I toted them all to Walmart to get milk for Chloe, and indulged in a couple things (ie. chocolate and a magazine) to help me along should the day get rough. I was admittedly so tired, I was moving through the morning in a blur. I got everyone comfortably settled in front of a movie and sat down to have tea and check email. An email from our adoption agencies Haitian Director with the subject "REFERRAL NOTICE" immediately caught my eye.
I was confused- "What? Referral? Diana told us we'd need to be patient and wait". I was scared, "Maybe it will say referrals have ceased to do a change related to Hague." I was excited, "What if?!" I clicked it first, of course, unable to wonder any longer. The sweetest little round black face greeted me; his dark sparkling eyes jumped out at me, his chubby cheeks begged to be kissed. A familiar phenomenon occurred- I sobbed uncontrollably. My heart once again so overflowing with love that tears could not be contained. I knew instantly, "He is mine!" My heart knew "THIS is the precious little boy I've been loving and waiting for in expectation. This is the little boy I have prayed for. "
I didn't know what to expect, this being our first adoption and all, but what I found was the familiar place of me, the mother, seeing my blessed child for the first time. A deep sense sense of protection overtakes me, their vulnerability so clear that I want to hold them close.I've known that type of joy and tears three previous times. I shouldn't be surprised; it doesn't really matter if a child is first carried in your womb or in your heart, you KNOW when you see them- they are yours. Love knows no boundaries. This time, however, the longing to hold my precious baby boy will go on. My outstretched arms will have to wait, but my heart will continue to spill forth with unspeakable love.
Monday we will sign papers to officially begin the process of asking the Haitian government to allow us to make THIS precious boy a legal part of our family. My heart says, "He already is!" He is gorgeous, and I cannot wait to introduce you to him. As soon as allowed, I will share our little treasure's picture with you. I guarantee- you'll fall in love too!
We have a long road ahead. It is projected that from this point, it will most likely be 12-18 months until we bring our treasure home. It will be hard; it will be long. We WILL be able to visit him as often as we'd like, once his file and ours are officially attached together in Haitian social services. We pray God somehow speeds the process, yet we know His timing is perfect; His ways are right.
Please pray for our precious treasure- for his protection and health. Please pray God readies his heart for transitioning to our family and a new place. Please pray for our hearts in this period of waiting. Please join us in praying that God brings our son home sooner than projected!
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