FOILED!

I have been complaining and settling for my weight for months now. I gave myself plenty of time to adjust to three and I did not want to pressure myself about things that ultimately aren't important when I was just trying to get a handle on life. But lately I have been really convicted that the adjustment time is past and I am not taking care of myself. I am turning to food for comfort. I hate even writing that sentence; it sounds so pitiful, doesn't it? Yet, in moments of stress that is exactly what I do; I comfort myself with food, unhealthy food at that. I believe God gave us food to enjoy and I never want to restrict my food intake in such a way that it becomes a control issue. God gave us food to enjoy. I LOVE that he did that. I love the sense of taste; I love the pleasure we find in really great meals. God could easily have made food solely for nourishment, but instead he chose to give use taste. Like all good gifts, however, we so easily abuse it, either by indulging too much or rejecting it as something bad. Balance is so hard to acheive in life and I think, impossible to acheive without the help of the Holy Spirit.

I am out of balance. I could probably count on one hand the healthy food I ate this week. Okay- that is a bit of an exaggeration, but a BIT only. Why do I always reach for bready, carby, full of fat options and forget the simple pleasure of an apple or a bowl of blueberries? I recently read Jillian Michaels metabolism book and was momentarily stirred about my eating habits, but instead of immediately fixing them it's like my mind freaked out and they got worse. That tells me what bondage I am in to food! So today I decided to stop the madness. I am eating an apple...an immensly satisfying apple. I will enjoy God given food, but I will fight this self abuse. The pleasure of cake last all of 5 minutes, the sluggish mood and flabby body hang out a while! I want to get back to the gym and eat food that came from the earth itself or has a mother (Jillian's advice- not my creativity). I want to take care of my body and be a good example for my kids- not of a dieting maniac but of a person in balance.

I did go to the gym this morning. I met a fellow mama there and had to admit to her I haven't really worked out since being pregnant with Chloe. EMBARRASSING but other than a few power walks and ONE jog last summer- it is true. I don't even recognize the flabby body I see in the mirror! She was encouraging (she has three kids too and is about a year ahead of me) and told me she "got it" and I could get back in shape. Let me tell you- she looks great and more importantly- FEELS great. I am going to keep meeting her and feed off her motivation and positivity. There is just one minor problem...MY BABY GIRL! I was on the tread climber 20 minutes when my efforts were FOILED! The childcare attendant came to get me. Chloe had been screaming for 1/2 hour. I couldn't calm her enough to leave her again so we had to head home. Argh! I am hoping she is just out of sorts because of the flu short she received on Wednesday. My efforts and energy cannot be foiled by an "I can't be left by my mama" phase. Wouldn't that just figure! I finally am motivated; I felt so alive an energized working out. Chloe hasn't gotten the memo that mom NEEDS this, that mom WANTS this. We'll try again tomorrow. Otherwise, I may have to try to get up at 5 am....and that is a whole other layer of motivation and dedication that would definitely require some supernatural intervention!