Yet Another Lesson in Motherhood

Every Friday evening I find myself a little tired. This week has been particularily emotinally draining because my son is in his "needy" phase and my daughter has been emotional. Oh it hasn't been without high points or laughter, of course. Phin has a smile that still melts your heart even when you are in the peak of frustration and just when you are starting to get really angry inside Ava will say something that makes laughter completely unavoidable. I am thankful for those moments, but still more thankful when my husband walks into the house on Friday afternoons. I really need to make him a t-shirt that proclaims, "Fear not! Reinforcement has arrived!"

My mom tells me I expect too much of my daughter. It's certainly true. I expect Ava to act older that she is. At times, I forget she's only three. She communicates with such "grown up" terminology that I need to remind myself she doesn't always REALLY get what she is saying. Today we had a DOUBLE playdate, with two friends coming over after ballet. Ava had decided she was NOT sharing her Barbie dress. (Now, let's not mention that she hasn't been playing with that dress and only took a special interest because she found out her friend J wanted to wear it.) It was her friend V's first visit to our home so on the way home from ballet I talked to her about being a friend who "loves at all times" and being a welcoming and inclusive host, etc. I suggested that she not only share her Barbie dress, but that she give it to Victoria to make her feel especially loved and welcome. Ava didn't like this idea and was just being selfish. I pointed out her selfish heart and said, "That disappoints me because I know you are not always selfish and usually kind to your friends." She did NOT care...she replied, "nope, I will just have a selfish heart, mom." AYE! What do you say to that? I was stunned and spiraled into crazy thinking, "oh no, my child will never love others." "Oh no! My child will never be empathetic or self aware."

Truly isn't the problem half with me? I want my daughter to be "the kind, loving one." If I am honest with myself I only want people to see Ava's good side. She is delightful and smart and funny. I want people to spend time with her and say, "what a great little girl." But if I don't ease up my expectations I am going to give her performance anxiety! She is three. She feels what she feels at the moment and can't imagine feeling otherwise. She is self-centered. She is imperfect...just like her mommy. I guess I am pushing her down the road of "people pleasing." YIKES!

Lesson #28371- "Don't try to have deep conversations with a three year old and then get hot and bothered when they don't react as an adult would. It can make you crazy now and lead to them being crazy later."