Hair Today, but maybe be not tomorrow!

I was in desperate need of a hair cut and such. My highlights had grown out so much that I was embarrassed to wear my hair down. Unfortunately I didn't make it a priority to get it done, so I was almost sheepish going in today; I was sure someone would say, "Girl, you KNOW you should have been in a couple months ago!"

In prepping for todays hair appointment, I had quite a chat with myself. I always get really great haircuts. The problem is, I hate to blow dry and straighten my hair. I hate it. This leads to my trademark hairstyle- a pony tail. When I went in today, I said to Natalie, "I need something wash and go; what can we do with my waves?" She said, "waves? Kim, you have straight up curly hair." I was kind of surprised, though I have noticed increased kinks and waves with each pregnancy. Today she cut it into a curly style and defused it. I am freakin'. I can't believe this is my natural hair. I don't know if I'll keep doing it curly; the syle she gave me can still be straightened...and I am afraid I might still resort to the pony.

My hubby thinks it's great to wear the hair God gave me. I am not so sure. Honest comments more than welcome...oh and please excuse the pale face; I don't like to take time for makeup either. Any spare time and I rather grab a really good book:P (I think my sisters wonder where this LaPine girl came from!)

(This is a terrible angle, but I am snappin' myself and not too good at it, obviously!)

Addendum- so, I can't do it- I feel like a 12 year old. My hair ended up in a pony tail by the evening and I'm going to try this cut straight tomorrow. We'll see...

Halloween....hmmmm

Tomorrow is Halloween. I love seeing my kids dressed up. Is there anything cuter than a little kid in a cute costume. The deserve candy- they are so darn tootin' adorable. The truth is though I am really struggling with Halloween this year. My opinion up to this point is that I didn't want to celebrate the evil aspects of Halloween, but I also didn't want my kid to stick out like a sore thumb, if he or she was the only kid not participating, not getting a piece of candy in their lunch, not talking about dressing up. I was always allowed to go trick or treating and I looked forward to it every year. It was never about anything evil just about fun and candy; a day all about candy, what could be better to a child?

I am really struggling with the concept of Halloween today, however. I find it is HARD to KEEP it innocent for my child. Ava is 3 1/2. She is in the middle of the stage of "Nightmares"; she loses a lot of sleep cuz of these crazy nuisances! If the holiday were just about "fun", it shouldn't have to be a concern. Instead, I have to worry about decorations in every store we enter. Is it just me or have Halloween decorations gotten scarier? We can't even get a craft a Michael's without passing grotesque and scary displays. It quite honestly infuriates me. I can't drive down the major street to my house without having to try to distract Ava from the scary costumed people trying to lure people into the seasonal Halloween stores that have seeminly sprung up in droves.

Today Ava had ballet. Her instructor was dressed cute in a cat costume. Ballet should be a perfectly "safe" place to take your child. Today, however, it was all about Halloween. Is it cute for three year olds to dance to Thriller, I am not sure?! They were to pretend they were ghosts. My child said she was afraid of ghosts and was told "it was just pretend". Here is the problem, I am lying to my child if I tell her ghosts aren't real. See I believe there is plenty of evil that we cannot see. I believe that ARE evil spirits. I have taken care of patients, when working as a nurse, who were members of the Church of Satan and let me tell you they were VERY frightening people. Evil DOES exist and I don't see the humor in celebrating it and pretending it doesn't. But am I going to say to my three year old, "Actually ghosts are real". NO, instead I did my best to protect my child. Unfortunately today that meant keeping her back when the rest of her ballet class went through a "Haunted House". It was supposed to not be scarry, but I peaked in and some of the pictures would keep her up for weeks. I just don't get why as a christian I have to be so careful to be PC, to not assume someone celebrates Christmas or Easter, but God forbid anyone give equal consideration to the fact that as a Christian I don't think it is funny to celebrate witches, ghosts, or demons.

My faith aside- my kid gets scared. Why do people scare three year olds? Why is that okay? Why is that funny? Does no one remember waking from a nightmare and having to drum up every couragous bone in your body just to walk through the dark to your parents room/ to safety? I am just frustrated....F-R-U-S-T-R-A-T-E-D! Should I hide my children away for the month of October? It seems it is getting scarier and scarier every year. Our poor children are exposed to severed heads, blood, and gore as toddlers just by driving down the street. How can we expect children to maintain any innocence?! We wouldn't let them watch horror films, but it's hard to keep them from viewing decor in a neighbors yard! Why are we surprised that children in our society are numb to violence and gore?

Confession

I hate to admit it but being in the first trimester of pregnancy is like having 12 weeks of PMS, atleast that is how it always is for me. I find myself easily anxious, easily annoyed, and very irritable. This doesn't bode well for those who are forced to live in the same home as I live in. My poor husband is very helpful at the moment, but forbid the moment he eases up or doesn't finish a job. I get annoyed. I should just be thankful that he did the dishes, right? Instead, all I see is the nonstick pans he sets to "soak". Granted this little habit of his is annoying after nine years of marriage, but a pregnant Kim has trouble just letting it go. I find that one little jab slipping out from my lips. I should just wear a sandwich board for the next few weeks that says, "I am sorry."

My children fare a little better externally. I don't say mean things to them, though I HAVE found myself raising my voice at Ava. (Her lack of listening really gets my dander up. OOOOOH Boy!) For the most part though, they don't realize that I am flippin' annoyed by them at various points in the day. This evening, my poor son was not feeling well. He got a couple shots yesterday and so he's running a low grade fever today. On one hand I do feel great compassion for him, but after carrying around a whiny 30 lb. one year old for a couple hours, one can't help but count the minutes until bedtime. It was work getting him down tonight and I'm pretty sure I may have uttered "Good Riddance" as I left his darkened bedroom.

I think God knows I can't handle much at the moment because fortunately all three family members have taken turns annoying me and they have also taken turns charming me. Should they all gang up in annoying mode I might lose it. I am just not a nice person at the moment. I can't help but think of the passage in Romans where Paul talks about "doing the things he doesn't want to do." I want to be carefree and joyous yet I find myself tired and annoyed. Oh the joys of sinful nature;P I am weak and there's no denying it at times like this.

OH family, forgive my weakness. Thank you for you help, Marco and for your total obliviousness to my discomfort, Ava and Phin:). I'm prayin' for more strength to bite my tongue and find more joy in the chaos. In the meantime, we can adopt the motto "This too shall pass." It applies to my nausea and exhaustion as well as my irritability, but it also applies to the added work for Marc and the mommy who has a little less interest in playing pocket dollies and blowing on bellies.

a bit too tired...

I have so much to blog about, I suppose, but so little energy to do it;) I am T-I-R-E-D! Long before this little teeny baby was developping inside and sapping all my doggone energy, I had signed up and agreed to far too many things in October.
I was stressed looking at my calendar when I was in top form, so I don't even know what to call the feeling I got when looking at my calendar after finding out I was pregnant! I am happy we made it through, actually! Truth be told I would NOT have made it through at all except for my husband- who literally picked up ALL my slack and then some.
He deserves a bit of an ego stroke! He has been amazing- give him a cape and tights folks, cuz he is definitely a superhero. (Last Friday he sent me to bed at 8, saying I looked "awful", and he stayed up cleaning and prepping for Phin's first birthday...see? a hero.)

Anywho- I have a lot of cute pictures from the past few days, so in lieu of writing I am just going to give you little peeks into the cuteness of my children....

THURSDAY 10/22- I visited Ava's preschool class:

Here is Ava "play acting" the book A Stubborn Pumpkin with her class. Because it was her "special day" (ie. mom was in the class room), she was the pumpkin.

Here is Ava with her other teacher, Miss McCrary. She will draw the pumpkin, but first is working with Miss McCrary to examine all aspects of the pumpkin. First she noted it was a circle and then drew a circle, then she noticed the lines down the pumpkin and drew them, finally she drew the stem before painting it orange and green. It was so interesting to see how you teach art to a three year old.

Here is Ava with her two buddies at the art station. All three are into drawing rainbows and tracing their hands. It was cute to watch them each earnestly coloring away.

SATURDAY: Phin's First Birthday party.

Phin's Auntie Katie made him a very special birthday shirt.

He is ONE:)

Here is Phin's "Giraffe" cake before he had his hands on it and in it.

And....After;)

SATURDAY AFTERNOON- Birthing Class comes over for Halloween Party. (We still get together about once a month with our birthing class from our pregnancy with Ava- we've known them almost 4 years now!)

No doubt about it- they are NO longer babies;)

MONDAY- While still recovering from our weekend, Phin had his first Spaghetti experience;)

He was one HAPPY little boy!

Happy Birthday, Munchy!

Today is my baby boy's FIRST BIRTHDAY! Where does time go? So cliche, I KNOW!, but seriously, one can't help but be amazed that he is already one year old. He is on the verge of toddlerhood! AH! Am I ready of a toddler boy?

It's amazing to think back over the ups and downs of the past year. First, I love and hate to think about his birth. The actual labor wasn't bad, but in transition I got the chills and was shaking uncontrollably. I was literally vomitting repeatedly as I was pushing. I have never in my life felt so helpless. I couldn't tell if I was pushing effectively or not and I was quite sure it would never end. When he finally did come out, it seemed like forever until I could hold him; I cried as they held him up and couldn't reconcile their "he is a BIG baby" comments with how tiny and helpless he looked to me;)

Finally, he was in my arms. Is there anything more precious than holding that little baby for the first time? AHHH! I could die just remembering. That little helpless, wide eyed face taking in his mommy's face with wonder and amazement. SERIOUSLY, I am not a person who become easily verklempt, but this is one thing that brings tears to my eyes repeatedly. It wasn't long before they had to take my little blessing away because my ol' uterus wasn't contracting. (Let's insert note here- if this ever happens to you- be prepared for a long haul. The medicine they give you to contract causes not just the uterus muscles to contract but the intestinal muscles as well. You have to just sit on a bed pan while water runs out your bum. I cried. It was awful and uncontrollable and again I thought it would never end. If you experience this, all I can tell you is that is does end....eventually.)

The first few months of Phin life were the hardest thing I have ever experienced. I look back now and I have no clue how I survived. In hindsight, perhaps he was colicky- I had to hold him much of the evening; the sling became a good friend. The nights were the true test of endurance. He woke up repeatedly. I have no idea how I functioned- solely by the grace of God. About 4 1/2 month in, I literally ended up weeping on my knees in the living room as I listened to him cry begging God for mercy and an answer. Rose, the "sleep nurse", was an answer to prayer. I was prepared to pay her a LOT of money, but instead FOR FREE, she spoke with me over the phone and gave use some things to try. Soon- no more boob for baby at night, no mommy either. My dear husband took over night time duty and he apparently wasn't so appealing. Thank God my baby boy learned to sleep. I learned God really is there in the trenches.

Today my son is pure delight. He's still a mama's boy, which drives me crazy when I need to get something done, but otherwise he is just a charmer. He has a smile that is contagious and a delightful, silly personality. He's pretty easy going. He sleeps like a CHAMP!!! He is huge and strong. I am so proud of him. He is walking more and more, though still predominantly crawling, and he is a climbing. Tonight he took a dive off the bed before Marc could catch him and I just know we have many such incidents in our future. He does NOT sit still and is curious and persistent if he sees something he finds interesting. He is fearless. We will probably be in the ER a time a two;)

We didn't do much to celebrate his birthday today- he'll have the little party and cake on Saturday. He got Mac and Cheese for dinner, which he loves and we sang to him. Ava drew him a picture, but he's still clueless. The highlight of his day was chasing the vacuum cleaner (he LOVES to try to climb on it while we are vacuuming). Yessirree, he has no idea today is a major milestone, but we know. We have not just survived, we are thriving. We could every day he's been in our lives a blessing- even the sleepless nights. As with my daughter, my children constantly teach me more about myself and about God and I look forward to spending many many years with this little boy!

Thank you, God, for Phineas Sinclair.

Out of the Mouths of Babes...

There is a children's song based on a parable in the bible called "The Wise Man Built His House Upon the Rock". It compares two men- one who builds his house upon the sand and one who builds on the Rock. When the storm comes, the house on the sand falls down and the house on the rock stands firm. It is an illustration about life, if we build our life upon Truth- the Rock of Ages, Jesus Christ, we can weather the storms that come our way, but if we just have religion with no depth, we will fall apart when trials come.

Ava has been loving this song of late and she has her own version that I just adore. It makes me smile every time she sings it! She says instead of "The wise man built his house upong the rock", "The wise man built his house upon the cross." It has brought the song to new life for me and reminds me every time I hear her sing it that I want my life built on nothing less and nothing more than the Cross of Jesus.

I think she really understands the meaning of this song and so to her these words make more sense and to say it warms my heart is an understatement;)

My mental murmurings

I am pregnant. It is a big "no, no" to tell you that because I am only five weeks along. My husband and I aren't really status quo folks though. I am processing a lot right now, what better place to do it than on a blog that the whole world can read. :)

I am excited to be pregnant. I actually like pregnancy once I get past week 20 or so. You know the sex of the baby and by that time I have been done puking (I am not one of those lucky "vomit only in first trimester" people. Pregnancy is the only time my stomach is ever firm and I have always just really loved the pregnant body. Plus after nursing two kids, I'm looking forward to having my boobs take on shape once again.

I am excited to have a third baby. I love my kids immensly and have learned to embrace the chaos that sometimes exists in our home. I would love for Ava to have a sister or Phin to have a brother. I'd love to see an even different charming combination of Marc and me, and get to experience partaking in God's work of creation.

I am also flippin' terrified. I have had two miscarriages. When you have only had two births, as well, you are just as familiar with the feeling of realizing you lost your baby as you are with the feeling of giving birth. I get a sick feeling in my stomach every time I change or go to the bathroom, so fearful that I may see blood and know history is repeating itself. In order to cope, I kind of disconnect from the whole thing and don't remember I am even pregnant until I try to eat and feel nauseated all over.

I can't even let myself think too much about what will happen if we have a baby like Phin was. Our life was so difficult for five months. I literally look back and wonder how I survived. If you have never had a long stretch of sleep deprivation, just trust me- it is excruciating. Phin used to wake up 6 or so times a night. When you live on sleep stretches that are an hour and a half long at most, you really are barely living. There's no way to prepare yourself for that and it is solely by God's mercy that we survived. I have to trust that He'll carry us through again if we have to walk that road, but I can't even bring myself to imagine that road could actually be ahead once again.

I also get freaked out about having THREE kids to manage. I am doing okay with two. I like my life. We are in a good groove. What are we thinking by adding a third munchkin to the mix! Are we INSANE?! We will be outnumbered!! I can only imagine that the occasonal bad day will come with increasing frequency. And what about babysitters? Is it hard to find a sitter to watch three kids? How much do you have to pay someone to take that on? Will we ever get alone time again?

See? Processing a lot and I imagine we will be processing a lot for a long, long time...atleast in a few weeks we'll hopefully get to see a strong quick little heart beat. That will go a long way to appease my mind...

Sometimes all you can do is laugh- whether it's appropriate or not

My daughter has a little cold. Sometimes feeling a little under the weather can set her through the roof emotionally. What an exciting evening we have had. Thank goodness my husband is home for this round of toddler tantrumania! The truth is it might have nothing to do with her cold and everything to do with the fact that baby brother is getting loads of attention for his every increasing walking skills. Whatever the causing factor the result is pure insanity...

Believe it or flippin' not, my dear daughter pulled the "water over baby brothers head" trick AGAIN in the bathtub- this time when papa ran to grab Phin's towel and she didn't realize mom was peeking in. She seemed surprised and crushed to immediately have to get out of the tub, leaving one to wonder how adept her manipulation skills may be. She is a very smart little girl; I find it very hard to believe that she was surprised at this.

Bedtime only continued to be a bundle of fun for the padres. What is becoming difficult, actually, is not laughing. Her emotions get so out of control it truly is ab-so-lute-ly absurd. At one point she had come into the living room for the second time just weeping about how hungry she was. We were refusing food because she had refused to eat dinner, but upon talking decided to give her a cheesestick but let her know that if she missed dinner any other night she'd go to bed with that hungry feeling in her stomach. We told her to remember how she felt right now because that is a feeling she'd sleep with if this happened again in the future. I don't even know if she got the lesson because not one but BOTH of her parents busted out laughing when she said in response (while still wimpering), "Yes, that is very serious because if you don't eat food you get really, really hungry and it is NOT GOOD."

Aye yaye yaye- I could share more details, but the bottom line is parenting is tough stuff. It is so tough in fact that my husband just looked at me and said, "how can it only be 8 o'clock?" The drama is so exhausting ten minutes seems like ten hours. I've been told that the todder years prepare you for adolescence and I'm sitting her going "oh boy!" I hope I learn a lot right now cuz I sure couldn't handle this if she had a deeper vocab arsenal and was the same size as I am.

P.S. Mom and Papa, if you are reading this- "I am really, really sorry for putting you through many nights such as this both at three and at sixteen."

When Bathtime is a bust....

Bathtime is usually a good time at our house, but today it seemed doomed from the start. Perhaps when a mom's reason for having bathtime is solely to waste time until bedtime, she is only asking for trouble!

First, Ava was determined that the water was too hot. It was SO lukewarm I worried it might not be warm enough, but it was "too hot" before she even touched it; she of course stood crying in it for like 5 minutes before just all of a sudden changing her tune, sitting down and playing. Now you may wonder, why I didn't just "let" her get out. I would have. She WANTED to be in the bath, but stood there crying. I stood there staring, wondering how much more irrational behavior would manifest itself before this overtired preschooler was tucked safely in bed.

Sure enough irrationality did strike again, soon Ava was mistreating her brother. He is teething, so he enjoys chewing on a good, wet washcloth. She kept pulling it out of his mouth and throwing it out of his reach. I made her stop, but within about a minute she found it equally as fun to bop him on the head. At that point she lost the priviledge of touching her brother. I knew the battle had begun when she didn't touch Phin but purposefully touched his bath seat and looked at me with a smirk- the kind of smirk you want to "wipe off her face". She received a warning of losing books at bedtime. We had a few minutes of peace during which time I received a phone call. My dear friend Bobbi was talking to me for all of two minutes when Ava decided to dump a very large and very full cup of water over her brother's head. My poor son sputtered for breath and blinked to restore his eyesight. Phin was crying, so while holding the phone with my chin, I leaned over to rescue him from the tub. Our brand new handset drop directly into the water and sunk straight to the bottom. I wrapped Phin in a towel and then rescued the phone. I wanted to dump my own head under water for reacting without using the brain God gave me! AHHHH! Knowing how frustrated my husband will be when he realizes we have to replace our phones yet again- I tried by best to salvage it by taking it apart, laying the battery aside and am hoping for the best. Needless to say, Ava did lose her books.

I dressed and lotioned my son and returned to the bathroom to get Ava out of the tub. I turned around to reach for her towel when my daughter again dumped a full glass of water- over the edge of the tub onto her dry and dressed brother and my bathroom floor. Let me just say she is very lucky that I was so stunned by her actions that it took me a couple seconds to register that it really happened. Then...mom took deep breath (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!). She was put straight into bed (allowed only to change into her pajamas and brush her teeth.) Thankfully, it is apparently devastating to be put to bed before one's baby brother; Let's hope it's devastating enough to help her remember to have a little more self control and a little less defiance.

The only upside to having to mop my bathroom floor and rewash the bathroom rugs that were already washed TODAY is that now it is only 6:41 and both of my children are in bed. I don't even know what I'll do with myself! Bathtime was definitely a test in how much self control this mother possesses, but there is now a wonderful, peaceful silence...perhaps Bathtime wasn't such a bad idea after all!

"Oh be careful little mouth what you say..."

Some very close friends of our had a tragedy hit their family last week. Ava is quite attuned to the goings on and feelings experienced in our house. We think we are speaking safely in our room and she apparently overhears. She started asking questions about why her friend had to go on an airplane and what happened. I know enough to answer only the questions they ask. I just told her her friends uncle had an accident and he died. She seemed very satisfied with this answer initially, but as always, her mind kept working. She came back to me a little bit later and said, "Mommy, did that man died because he had a poop accident or a pee one?"

Oh my! Thank God she verbalized that question!...Can you just imagine a little kid walking around thinking you can die from going potty in your pants?!

BRRRRRRRRRR

Saturday we had to fill in for my coleader of mom's group and "host" a family day at Johansen's Farm. I can't even tell you if I think it is worth a visit, though looking at our pictures, I have to admit it is probably a great outing. The problem Saturday was the FREEZING cold. My husband NEVER gets cold and said to me as we are leaving, "Now I know why you hate being cold. I am so miserable I feel agitated and angry." (Maybe now he'll quit turning down the heat on me!) My children, seemed oblivious to our discomfort and managed to thoroughly enjoy themselves. Most familes were wise enough to stay indoors, which allowed Phin opportunities to do activities usually untouched by one year olds; I am so addicted to "preserving memories" that I almost got frostbite on my hands as they were exposed to the elements for picture taking;)

When animals eat off my hands, it honestly kind of creeps me out, but I put on a brave face and do it. Ava seems to have no reservations whatso ever...she reaches right into their pens instead of waiting for them to lean out towards her hand, I was a little nervous she's lose a finger or something;)

Phin was lovin' be able to touch the pony and was completely uninterested in lookin up toward his papa for a picture;)

YES! Phin was allowed to play in the Bounce House;)

Okay- so being able to hold baby chicks, IS pretty cool.

The Pacifier Fairy

Ava is 3 1/2 and she was still sleeping with a pacifier. I regret not taking it away BEFORE Phin was born; I was sure she would suffer jealousy if she no longer had pacifiers but the new baby did. Of course, as "luck would have it", Phin never took a pacifier. I found ways to ease the guilt I felt as a mom: #1- she ONLY used them for sleeping, #2- she was a good sleeper, #3- the dentist said her teeth looked great, and #4- I read in "Sleeping Through The Night" that some children have the NEED to suck until age 4.

Upon starting preschool, however, I learned that Ava could do without it if needed. I did NOT send her with a paci to school and low and behold, she was able to sleep during rest time. Now, this was shocking to me because she literally sucked that paci ALL night long- not just briefly when falling asleep. I have heard that kids will give it up when ready, but with my kids I started to realize, she probably would not. We've been talking up the pacifier fairy for about 8 months, all ready and waiting for the day when our little girl said, "Tonight is the night I am putting them under my pillow." She hasn't seemed to move any closer to saying it. Tuesday I decided all of a sudden that I was going to "force" her to be ready. She had no school on TH and that would give her 7 nights to adjust before returning to school (in case she was sleeping poorly). I knew my word or Marc's wouldn't be enough, so I put a special letter for her in the mailbox. When she got the mail, she found one card address to HER. This is what it said:
Dear Ava-
You have grown up into such a beautiful, nice big girl. You are ready to leave you pacifiers behind! Please place them underneath your pillow. I will come and take them and give them to Tinkerbell to tinker with and make new wonderful things. In their place, I will leave you a special music box made JUST for you. It will even have your name on the top! See you soon!
Love-
The Pacifier Fairy

I drew a pacifier under the signature. Upon opening and seeing the pacifier, she immediately said, "I THINK IT'S FROM THE PACIFIER FAIRY!" We read it to her and to our relief she was excited. She had a few moment of angst, but was overall very thrilled to know she was ready.

We'd already made plans to make Pink cupcakes after Phin went to bed (we've been reading Pinkalicious) so I let her have one last "suck" with her pink paci.

We used it while we read stories and then under the pillow the whole lot went. We waved goodbye.

Our little girl slept until about 1 am when she ran into our room thrilled to annouce, "THE PACIFIER FAIRY CAME AND LEFT ME A MUSIC BOX, COME SEE!" It went very well!

Now the next few nights were a different story- she got extremely emotional and after a couple days overtired and therefore more emotional than we'd ever seen her! We had lots of hugs and even ended up letting her sleep in our room on night two, but by the fourth night, she no longer cried at bedtime or asked for pacifiers and has slept soundly since. YAY! We made it through our roughest transition yet...

If anyone finds my daughter, please return her asap...

This afternoon and evening my daughter has seemed more like an Ogre than a child. She is overtired and has more emotion surging through her little body than she knows what to do with. We initially had temper tantrums at naptime because I said "no" to fruit snacks. I offered her a healthier alternative and got a full on temper tantrum in response. My friend Nicole was here picking up her children (we had a great double playdate this morning), and I had to step away THREE times to put her in her room. That was not only abnormal but so insane I had to just laugh about it. At that point I could laugh because I was sure she fall right asleep and wake her normal happy self. The problem- she did not sleep.

She came of out her room multiple times before finally staying in there until 3pm as instructed. She came out initally much improved in attitude and behavior, but it didn't last long. She was simply too tired to hold it together. We started bedtime at 6pm...6pm- no joke. It took us an hour to get her in bed. ONE FULL HOUR. We had a full on psychotic child. It was as if something overtook her. We had tempertantrums that we have NEVER seen. She feel asleep quickly once she kept her little bum in bed...I hope tomorrow is a bit better. I would like to LIKE to be with my daughter tomorrow. Today she must have KNOWN how awful she was asking because midway through a tantrum episode she calmed briefly and in tears asked, "do you still think I am cute, mommy?" It was asked in genuine concern....which did make her quite cute. Being three looked pretty darn rough today...but I guarantee mommy's was a little harder, then again mommy gets chocolate now....

Well worth it;)

I am extremely glad that my head ruled my decision making today. Initially, waking the family a bit early from naps meant about 10 minutes of crying and grumping...not by Marc, but by the little girl whom we were TRYING to do something special for. We almost decided not to go, but had some compassion on her because we knew she was awakened from her beauty rest.

Thankfully, a few minutes into the car ride, she perked up and remained a perky pleasant little thing for the remainder of the day. We had an amazing time at Toy Story. The 3D took her a couple minutes to get used to. It was adorable to watch her try to catch snowflakes during previews or squeal with delight to see Cinderella's Castle "right" infront of her before the movie began. She wasn't too fond of Toy Story 1, however; she kept saying "I don't want them to touch me" and let's be honest Sid, the evil neighbor kid, is a little creepy, even in 2D. She actually has only read the book to Toy Story 1, but she did enjoy it enough to want to stay for number 2.

Watching Toystory 2, was just one of those times I HOPE I never forget. There sat Ava holding her Woody and Jesse dolls, clapping and giggling and talking to the screen (despite numerous "ssshh"s from her parents). She was in heaven. This is a movie she has seen ATLEAST 50 times, but experiencing it in 3D was like seeing it anew. It was WAY worth the grumpy 10 minutes and even surpassed the solitude of the naptime that was cut short. There is truly NOTHING like seeing your kid tinkled pink, full of joy, experiencing life to the fullest.

YEE HAW!

To do or not to do...THAT is my question.!

It's very quiet in our house. Everyone is napping, except me. I have to wake them up. We have a special outing planned for Ava; we are taking her to see the Toy Story 1&2 3D double feature. She is a Toy Story FANATIC. I know she is going to have a great time. In fact, we told her she had to go to sleep RIGHT away today so she could wake up in time to go and you have NEVER seen a three year old fall asleep so quickly. Despite knowing of the great fun we will have, however, I am at war with myself. Should I really wake them all up or scrap the plan and enjoy a few more minutes of peace?

These are the moments when you realize just how long a week you have had. I'm literally debating throwing away a movie afternoon for like 15 more minutes of solitude and peace. Insanity or just intense appreciation? Either way, I am known to follow my mind and not my heart so here I go to stir the pot and reignite the crazy flame of chaos that is so often burning in a home with small kiddos....

Yet Another Lesson in Motherhood

Every Friday evening I find myself a little tired. This week has been particularily emotinally draining because my son is in his "needy" phase and my daughter has been emotional. Oh it hasn't been without high points or laughter, of course. Phin has a smile that still melts your heart even when you are in the peak of frustration and just when you are starting to get really angry inside Ava will say something that makes laughter completely unavoidable. I am thankful for those moments, but still more thankful when my husband walks into the house on Friday afternoons. I really need to make him a t-shirt that proclaims, "Fear not! Reinforcement has arrived!"

My mom tells me I expect too much of my daughter. It's certainly true. I expect Ava to act older that she is. At times, I forget she's only three. She communicates with such "grown up" terminology that I need to remind myself she doesn't always REALLY get what she is saying. Today we had a DOUBLE playdate, with two friends coming over after ballet. Ava had decided she was NOT sharing her Barbie dress. (Now, let's not mention that she hasn't been playing with that dress and only took a special interest because she found out her friend J wanted to wear it.) It was her friend V's first visit to our home so on the way home from ballet I talked to her about being a friend who "loves at all times" and being a welcoming and inclusive host, etc. I suggested that she not only share her Barbie dress, but that she give it to Victoria to make her feel especially loved and welcome. Ava didn't like this idea and was just being selfish. I pointed out her selfish heart and said, "That disappoints me because I know you are not always selfish and usually kind to your friends." She did NOT care...she replied, "nope, I will just have a selfish heart, mom." AYE! What do you say to that? I was stunned and spiraled into crazy thinking, "oh no, my child will never love others." "Oh no! My child will never be empathetic or self aware."

Truly isn't the problem half with me? I want my daughter to be "the kind, loving one." If I am honest with myself I only want people to see Ava's good side. She is delightful and smart and funny. I want people to spend time with her and say, "what a great little girl." But if I don't ease up my expectations I am going to give her performance anxiety! She is three. She feels what she feels at the moment and can't imagine feeling otherwise. She is self-centered. She is imperfect...just like her mommy. I guess I am pushing her down the road of "people pleasing." YIKES!

Lesson #28371- "Don't try to have deep conversations with a three year old and then get hot and bothered when they don't react as an adult would. It can make you crazy now and lead to them being crazy later."