Our Third Trip to Hait- Part Three- Goodbyes

August 11, 2013-

Last night was a bit more difficult.  Christian really didn't want to be in his crib.  It was like de ja vu.  I held him until he fell asleep and then laid him down.  He stirred and opened his eyes, but went right back to sleep.  He did wake up in the middle of the night.  I just brought him into bed with us.  I think he was cold in the air conditioning.  He felt cold anyway and he HATES being covered with a blanket.  We have air conditioning at the guest house.  Electricity is intermittent so it isn't as cool as we are used to but he's never been in air conditioning.  I think he usually sleeps in just a diaper, so the PJ's and a blanket must feel very constricting!

He slept fine between us.  I had a hard time sleeping, so I prayed a lot about the good byes coming in the day ahead.

We didn't have to leave for the airport until one.  The morning was perfect.  We got the chance to pray with the H's.  The kids played.  It was relaxing and so often I just paused in my heart, observed, and savored the moment.  We are blessed.

The way he chilled in this car, cracked me up.  I totally flashed forward in my head and pictured him 16, driving his car all leaned back and relaxed. 

 He's mischief, he kept running into the kids;)

 Sibling love

He is just precious.... 

 so very precious

 One last family picture before leaving....

We left for the airport after lunch.  Christian came with us to the airport, as did Sonia.  The ride was long...and hot.  We rode in a smaller car and there was no air conditioning.  The misery of the ride seemed to match the angst in my heart.  I savored the last minutes holding him.  Ava was emotional and kept crying over saying goodbye.  Both our children wanted to stay in Haiti.  It's hard enough for adults to say goodbye, who understand (at least as best we can) the process.  To the kids, it just hurt.  

We arrived at the airport and I held him until we were all unloaded and ready to proceed inside.  He didn't want to go to Sonia, the creche director. HE clung to me.  I had to pry his arms loose and wanted to scream as I had to walk away with him reaching toward me.  Ava was a mess, she just sobbed.  I held it together externally for both her sake and Christian's.  We told him we loved him and that next time he should be able to come home with us.  I was thankful in some ways to have Ava and Phin to "take care of".  It helped me keep it together.  Goodbye just plain stinks.  Still, I rejoice that this is quite possibly our last goodbye....and allowed myself to imagine the next journey home, with our baby boy in tow and it helped soothe the ache.

We landed in Fort Lauderdale and made it through immigration without too much difficulty.  When we went to recheck our bag we were informed that our already late night flight was delayed.  The airline representative was amazing.  She gave us her honest opinion that she believed the flight would indeed be cancelled.  It was currently delayed to 11:10pm and she would rebook us on the first morning flight.  We found a local hotel.  It had a heated out door pool and though it was already bedtime, we took the kids for a short swim and then ordered room service and watched Shrek 2.  The night was a gift.  Diving into the pool was refreshing.  A hot shower and running water safe to drink was heavenly.  My heart got an extra night to decompress before jumping back into life.  Instead of arriving home exhausted to our youngest, I arrived home refreshed.  It was something we didn't ask for or even imagine needing and yet it was perfection.  Our "plan" had been to arrive at 10:30 at night (with the delay it would have been 12:30am), spend the night at my sisters, get up and come home.  Instead, we had good night's sleep, and arrived two hours after Chloe woke up and drove home.  We missed minimal time with her and came home ready to give her what she needed.  Another reminder that God gives us immeasurably more than all we can ask or desire.  He is so good.

This trip was hard at moments and that pain and angst is real, and yet, I couldn't ask for more.  I tear up with gratitude.  I don't know why we were chosen for this journey and I'm definitely not capable of handling this on my own, but I am so grateful, so grateful.