My Outrageous Courageous

We started a new video series in my Tuesday morning bible study called Outrageous.  The first week's subject was on Outrageous Courage and the subject was Esther.

I love the story of Esther: love that God put her in a place of influence for the perfect time, love how her femininity is an important part of her role, love her faith and obedience despite her fear, love that despite what she did or did not consider qualifications, God used her "for such a time as this."  I also love that when she expresses fear upon initially being called to speak up, Mordecci (her cousin) reminds her that if she doesn't, God will use someone else to do his will, but she won't escape the fate of the rest of the Jews just because she is sitting in her ivory tower (my own description- I actually have no idea if there was a tower;).

God uses us and that is a gift, he doesn't NEED us to do his will.  I find that a profound and humbling privilege and it grieves my heart to think of times I've squandered opportunities because of fear and missed out on experiencing God's glory being revealed in my weakness.  But alas, that wasn't the focus of this week's study.  The focus was on stepping out of our comfort zone and being outrageously courageous.  It was also our assignment and we have to email a courageous act we do this week to a partner in the group.

Can I just say this is a terrible week for this assignment?!  Isn't it funny how that happens?  I don't have any exciting stories to share.  For me, I've been in a real funk much of the week- I've not mustered the courage to tackle my life responsibilities let alone do anything outrageous.  My laundry is piled up, we've had more than our normal consumption of restaurant food or frozen entrees.  I just don't "feel" like doing much of anything except maybe take a vacation and that isn't on the agenda!  I certainly wouldn't call taking naps every day very courageous!

I don't have great reasons for this.  I have a good life and I know it.  I am just in a funk.  Perhaps is simply the let down after running on adrenaline for 6 weeks with sickness cycling through our children and then my sweet Ava turning 9.

My hubs has also been extremely stretched thin and stressed with work and it's taking it's toll on me.  Initially I was geared up to serve him, but being the "only one serving" (from my perspective) I kind of petered out.  I kind of reached a low on Wednesday.  I felt empty, unhappy with him for not being enough to meet my needs.  I felt like my love tank was empty.  I decided to "get over it" and mustered up my strength to plan a fun evening and low and behold he didn't exactly handle things the way I expected and I became angry, sad and withdrawn.  I went to bed so disappointed in him and the lies about what a horrible person he was and how unattractive and unlikable I must be were swirling.

I spent Thursday sad.  Amidst the sadness, I also struggled because I know I am more fortunate than most.  I know Marc is a good husband.  But he wasn't enough...and I was disappointed. I didn't call a friend cuz I didn't want everyone to tell me how wonderful he was; I was ticked that he was a jerk sometimes.  I didn't want to hear about all the times he isn't! I struggled with whether I was having a pity party or whether my concerns were legitimate and valid.  We've gone round and round with this same scenario over the years.  The same conversation seems to happen in times he's stressed and I feel he becomes self absorbed and feel neglected.  I struggled with if I'd truly been giving grace in the past and should I now or should I be angry and make him realize how he was failing me.  I was feeling hurt so part of me want to say something to hurt him to his core too...and part of me knew I'd regret that forever.

It was admittedly hard to process throughout the day with kiddos around my ankles so he came home and I, obviously down in the dumps, told him almost immediately I was going off duty and went in my room to journal.

Have you ever not wanted to pray cuz you don't really want God to change your heart?  I was there.  I wanted to sit in my anger, defend my rights to be taken care of and poured into and defended and pampered and adored.  I just knew God would call me to lay down my life and I just didn't want to.  Ever been there?  "I just don't feel like laying down my life today, Lord.  I don't want to pick up my cross.  I want to sit here and be mad.  I want to make my husband be who I want him to be.  I want him to grovel and apologize for failing me."  Except the truth is, I knew even if he apologized I would say something really wonderful to him, like, "If you are really sorry, you'd have changed and you are still self-absorbed." cuz I am a super gracious wife.

So I just told God how I felt.  He can handle those things.  Quickly, God showed me my hubs wasn't self-absorbed.  He was work absorbed because he has a ton on his plate and these seasons pass.  Quickly, I was reminded of the dishes he'd done over the week and the fact that he hasn't complained about the  Trader Joe's frozen meals I've served him for dinner or the McDonald's receipts that have popped up in our budget.  He hasn't complained that his clean laundry has been sitting in laundry baskets all week because I hate putting laundry away.  No complaints.  No judgement.  Sure, he said the wrong thing on Wednesday.  He didn't meet my expectations.  He failed me just like he's done hundreds of time in our marriage and just like he'll do hundreds more.  He'll fail cuz he's just Marc.  I didn't need to start recalling my failings...the are numerous this week alone.  What I needed to confront is would I live the wisdom I would pass off to anyone else in this situation?  Would I put my money where my mouth would be? Ugh, how many times have I told others that we cannot rely on our spouse to be God.  Our spouse isn't supposed to meet 100% of our needs, only God can do that.

Would I accept and surrender my rights?  Would I just let myself mourn the fact that my dreams might never be 100% fulfilled this side of earth?  Would I just accept my husband for who he is, weaknesses as well as strengths?   Will I continue to set a bar higher than a human can go because I've read too many romance novels or will accept that my Knight has fought in some battles and his armor has some dents?  Will I accept that not all the battles he has to fight are for me?  Will I accept that I am his priority but not his only one?  Will I surrender my needs and wants and release him to be broken and make mistakes?  Will I chose to forgive even when I may not be 100% understood?  Will I surrender my "need" to be RIGHT?

On paper the answers are easy....but in my heart they are not.  I struggle.  I struggle with unreal expectations and pride.  I struggle.

I realized sitting in my chair that my outrageous courageous this week wouldn't been seen or recognized by anyone else but the One I am supposed to please.  My outrageous courageous was surrendering and remembering that God alone can meet all my needs.  My outrageous courageous was telling my husband of my struggle with unmet needs, but instead of making him feel guilty, I would be confessing and releasing him from unfair expectations.  My outrageous courageous was admitting to myself and to him that I may not be right and my feelings are not always fact.  My outrageous courageous was from this day forward putting a stake in the ground that I will accept that my husband doesn't always handle life well when stressed and it is not up to me to fix that.  My outrageous courageous was choosing to keep pouring into my husband even if work stress continues (to be fair, I know it won't, but in emotional moments these things become mountains instead of mole hills;).  My outrageous courageous was recognizing that the role God has called me to isn't one others will write books about.  Most people won't recognize or see it.  But I have been placed in this marriage with this man for such a time as this....for stressful times when my husband is stretched thin and exhausted.  I have been placed here to pray for him and hold him up.  To make home and my arms a soft place to fall....not a place that stretches him even more.  I have been placed here to lay down my life and love.

I am married to an amazing man.  This post in no way is meant to indict or tear him down.  This post is about me.  I had to decide anew that whether my husband is wearing his superhero cape or seems weighed down with kryptonite, I will lay down my life and love.  I won't just stay and mope and manipulate to get things to go my way...I will love and give.  When I muster up my own strength, as I did on Wednesday, with my own "good ideas" that are really round about ways for me to get my own needs met....I will fail, be disappointed and quickly find myself weakened.  When my needs are met by the One who Satisfies, the stores of strength are unending.

In my pity party, I didn't feel very outrageous and certainly not courageous, but God met me and reminded me that he didn't call me to risk death by going before a king.  He called me to lay my life before the King of all Kings, whose assignment is to daily lay down my life for those around me.  My actions will likely never save an entire race of people, but they might save my husbands day and bolster his heart.  In a world that screams for us to put ourselves first, this surrender was hard fought.

My outrageous courageous is small, but my God is big and the work he did in my selfish heart is one he and I know is miraculous.

Chasing Time

I am preparing for Ava's ninth birthday party.  She picked a spy theme and I am having so much fun planning this one (do I say that every party?;).

Her turning nine is really hitting me as I plan.  She is half way to 18; half way to being an adult.  How is that even possible?  So many of my friends with teenagers or college age people remind me to savor the days for time is short.  I am really feeling the shortness of time this week.  I look at this beautiful little girl who is quickly becoming a young lady and it seems like just yesterday that I was dreaming of who she'd be as I felt the flutters of her first movements in my womb.

I think when I was in the throws of baby and toddler years, people telling me to savor the days felt frustrating.  I was exhausted and just wanted to get to place of sanity and sleep.  To savor hard days feels insane.  But I feel like Ava's age now is a sweet spot for me.  She still looks up to me, she admires me, she cares deeply for my opinions and teachings.  She has a soft heart.  I am in a sweet spot of being able to parent and not simply keep her alive and teach her not to stick her fingers in the light socket.  I am in a sweet spot of being able to reach her heart and teach her truth of who God is and who he wants her to be.  I am in a sweet spot of seeing a beautiful young person really emerging.  I get to see the way her heart is growing in her love for other people, the way she desperately wants to do the right thing, they way she loves her siblings and us.  I get to see a humble heart that apologizes easily.  I get to see the creativity of her mind go to new places in writing and art.  I get to see so many glimpses of good things coming for her!

  But in that sweet spot, I also see her flaws, her insecurities, her hurts.  I see the way she has a tendency toward anxiety, toward people pleasing, toward perfectionism.  Right now, she wants my voice to help her grow in these areas, but I am painfully aware that there just isn't enough time.  I see her struggle and I am desperate for her to "get it" so she doesn't have to learn the hard way that perfectionism slowly kills our souls.   I feel like she is at a crossroads in life and the parenting we are doing now is vitally important.  I LOVE parenting her and yet I realize yet again as she approaches nine that we are not enough.

I realize my own fears are creeping back into my heart and mind.  The what ifs loom as I see her human fragility.  I am painfully aware of lost opportunities; I am painfully aware of times I was so exhausted I didn't seize an opportunity for bedtime conversation, or couldn't handle one more question.  The fear of those lost moments affecting her entire life can loom large.  I realize my own perfectionism is reeling it's ugly head yet again.  I realize no matter how deeply I love her, she is going to have struggles in life that I have to watch her hurt through.  It is infinitely harder to watch emotional hurts than physical ones; they tear at my heart in ways I couldn't have imagined and I appreciate my own mama all the more.

I have to once again take my daughter to the foot of the cross and surrender her there.  She is not mine and I realize in loving this sweet spot I have begun to cling too tightly, to hold desperately trying to capture the time that is fleeting.  I have to confess, I have not just savored these days, I have attached to them.  Oh how I need Jesus!  How my sweet girl needs Jesus!  I realize anew that I desperately want to save her from hurt and yet in doing so I would rob her from the absolute comfort that I myself have found in Jesus.  I cherish every painful moment in life because they have been the sweetest times with my Savior.  Above all, that is what I want for her- to know how desperately he loves and delights in her.

I am so proud of Ava and I am so thankful for the relationship I have for her.  I want to savor, to dance, to laugh through this stage as long as I am here, but I also want to release her to the next stage when the time comes.  I want to love her enough to release her to whatever God has for her ahead.  I want to release her to be human and make mistakes; I want to love her enough to accept those mistakes and not make her feel like a failure when she makes them.  I want to love her like God does and I am not enough.  I can only do that through Jesus.

Lord, help me parent not on my own ability and power, but through you.  Holy Spirit guide me.  Let me know when to speak and when to shut up and let you speak to her in different ways.  Oh, Lord she is yours.  Help me be faithful in praying for her and listening to you and obeying YOU in how I should parents her.  I don't want to be a good parent, I want to be a godly one.  She sees my imperfections Jesus, but help her not just to see those imperfections, but to see you at work in them.  Help her to see you in me.  Fill me daily so that I can love and guide her in your ways.  Thank you for this beautiful little girl with a soft heart.  Lord, give me what tools I need to guard that heart.  Give me wisdom and peace.  I pray that she would never go a day in her life questioning if she is loved by us or by you.  Thank you that YOU are the Potter and help me to leave the clay of Ava's life on your wheel.  Thank you that you know her completely and love her and me more than I can even imagine.  Thank you for the gift of each day that I have with her and for the profound honor it is to call her daughter.  I praise you for all you are doing in each of us.  May our lives glorify you.

The Why's behind the What's

This was my status on facebook a couple days ago.  I don't think I have to further describe how absolutely grotesque a situation the wood floor vomit thing was...

Yesterday was more vomit and diarrhea.

Last night, I had three kids with fevers- Chloe and Christian with coughs and the big D, and poor Phin was still throwing up.  I got about 5 hours of choppy sleep and Phin was so miserable he didn't want me to leave him so I carried his mattress and bed things onto the floor of my room about 3 am.

This morning, I had a massage scheduled during the two hour break I get while Chloe and Christian are in preschool.  Instead it had to be cancelled, as I have three littles home sick.  Bless Ava's heart, she's representing the healthy side (a time her OCD handwashing tendancies actually may be her life saver).  I am Clorox wiping every surface and toilet and washing sheets AGAIN.

Did I mention my hubs is at a crucial meeting this week that he really cannot miss unless it's an absolute emergency (like if I go down with the troops)?  It's in sunny Florida so that makes it all the more lovely to think about when I feel like the smell of diarrhea and vomit may be forever trapped in my nose.

Livin' the dream....livin' the dream.  I mean this is the stuff I imagined as I nested during my first pregnancy, right?;)

A little comment on my facebook page (cough- Jenny) made me think.  The comment was good- natured from a kidless dear friend, "You're not helping the cause Kim! Feeling so bad for you all right now!"

I Laughed, but then it made me stop to think.  Why does everyone encourage this parenthood thing?  I mean it's grotesque and inconvenient.  It's filled with sleepless nights and frustrating moments.  Are we all just insane?

The insanity part is undoubtedly debatable;)  But what makes these moments worth it?

1)Snuggling a scrunched up newborn to your chest and feeling your hearts beat as one as they sleep.
2)Being the one to see the first smile, and hear the first laugh.
3)Being the one a baby reaches for with squeals of delight the moment they see you.
4) Hearing Mama for the very first time...
5) Watching babies explore the world with wonder and figure out how to use their little bodies to move about the world.
6) Being so desirable, that YOU are the one they work so hard to tottle toward and take their very first steps.
7) Watching them unashamedly grimace as they poop their diaper....I mean gross, but hilarious.  What parents don't laugh at this?  It had to make the list.
8) Toddlers mispronouncing or using similar words in the wrong context...hilarity.
9) Seeing kids personalities emerge- each different and unique
10) Seeing them fall in love with toys and books and their imagination
11) Being amazed at the brains ability to learn and memorize (hello two year old who can recite Moo Baa La La La)
12) Hearing toddlers sing
13) Family dance parties
14) The absolute gratitude and delight my kids express at any and every gift- no matter how big or small
15) Breastfeeding....I was skipping it cuz I know not everyone loves it, but I do and this is my blog, so on the list it goes!  I will forever be grateful for those quiet moments of solitude, breastfeeding my littles in the still of evening hours.  I think some of my most content moments in life were spent in my leather Lazy Boy gazing at my contented baby.
16) The awesomeness of them dressing themselves in ridiculous combinations that they are so very proud to wear.
17) The lack of filters in toddlers mouths- never have to wonder what they are thinking about you or anyone you pass in Target
18) Watching a child learn to read
19) Seeing a kid ride a bike independently for the first time
20) Watching their unabashed self delight at every thing they accomplish, no false modesty in kiddos- nope not a shred of it
21) Laughing hysterically at knock-knock jokes that makes absolutely no sense to anyone but the tiny teller
22)  Pig tails and tiny painted nails
23) The pure joy kiddos find in running around naked
24) bedtime stories
25) Hearing belly laughs (Phin's especially) while kiddos watch movies ( eg.Home Alone;) or America's Funniest Home Videos
26) Seeing my daughters have absolute confidence in their beauty and bodies
27) Watching kids fall in love with Jesus
28) Hearing their heart and passions for the world around them develop
29) Realizing you have a budding artist whose abilities far surpass your 37 year old self when they are only 8
30) Hearing positive things from teachers and friends parents about your children's kindness
31) Playing Wii as a family
32) Snowball fights and sledding
33) Getting homemade birthday cards
34) A jam pile of morning cuddles
35) Being forgiven instantly, EVERY time I mess up as a mom.  No questions or qualms about it.  I apologize and ask forgiveness and every time they answer as if I didn't even need to ask.
36)  Hearing about school days on the car ride home
37) Seeing my husband be the best dad ever...I could NEVER have even imagined he'd be so stinkin' good at it
38) Watching ballet class (It cannot possibly get any cuter)
39) Seeing my kids care for each other (eg. walked in last evening to Ava sitting next to Phin's bed reading aloud to him while he lay and listened.  She knew his eyes were kind of hurting from his fever so she read for him.....)
40) Little boys in Teenage Mutant Hero under-roos

The list could literally go on ad nauseum...and boredom certainly would never be listed.

Here's the thing, even IF someone had told me that I'd one day be digging vomit chunks out of the cracks between the hard wood, or wiping pee off the bathroom floor on a weekly basis (what is it with boys?!), even if someone would have told me that my kids would try to climb my closet shelves, breaking them all in the process or stick coins in my car CD player and cause $600 worth of damage, even if I would have been able to not just hear about sleepless nights but KNOW how hard they'd be, even if I knew how hard it would be to get out to the movies or find a babysitter for 4 kids, even if.....

I WOULD DO IT ALL AGAIN IN AN INSTANT- ALL OF IT.  Motherhood is hard and exhausting and in those moments, sometimes I just want to run away with my Visa and see how far away I'd get before someone caught me.  It's hard.  But here's the truth, most beauty in life is discovered in the hard stuff.  I'm by far a better person- God has chipped off lots of crap and revealed much more yet to be extracted from my heart.  Motherhood takes and takes and sometimes it feels like there is nothing more to take...until I stop and realize that somehow in all the taking it has given me tenfold in return.  I could take my Visa and run, but I guarantee after a couple days on the beach, I'd high tail it back.   Words cannot adequately express the joy of being a mom- the ways it completes you in ways you never knew you needed to be completed.  I know I am better for it, so bring on the vomit, diarrhea, and disobedience- I happen to know those little things come wrapped in MUCH bigger, better things.

38

It's my birthday and today was a great day.

My life is obviously pretty chaotic.  I am a mess, but I love and I am loved.  I couldn't ask for more.  Still, my family made today pretty special:

My kids came in bright and early (a bit too early perhaps;) singing Happy Birthday and bringing me their gifts that they have been dying to give me all week;)

Each gift fit them well.  Chloe got me a Barbie card and red purse.  Christian got me an Elmo card and a wonderful smelling candle.  Phineas got me a Rock star music playing card and Sunglasses.  It was Ava's gift that nearly had me in tears.  She's old enough to put a LOT of thought both into the message of her card and gift.

She wanted to spend her own money and she decided to plan a date for the two of us.  There was $5 in her card with a map for our special date. 

Her card says, "Mom, I may not always show it and sometimes I may blow it, but I want you to know it- I love you, Mom and I'll never outgrow it!  Happy Birthday."  and then my precious girl wrote, "Dear Mom, I chose this card because it is true that I may really blow it, but I love you no matter way.  I love you!  Happy Birthday.  Love, Ava"

I came down to Marc already playing the "Happy" station on Pandora and we danced a bit, one of my very favorite things to do with my hoodlums.  

Then my hubs had my favorite breakfast ready.  If I ever have to chose a dying last meal request- it would be chocolate croissants and Earl Grey tea with Lavendar...so why not eat it while I am celebrating being alive;)

My sweet sisters watched my littles while Ava and Phin were at school and Marc and I went shopping and out to lunch....yay! for perusing Nordstrom Rack without children.

Dinner will make most people laugh.  I am a girl who loves food- fancy food and not fancy food and for some reason, often on my birthday comfort foods from childhood make me smile, so we had Totino's pizza;)  It is a guilty pleasure...we grew up on it.  It probably isn't even real cheese, but man, do I love it;)

(notice all the help I have blowing out one candle;)

Marco put the hoodlums to bed and he sat with me and watched Mom's Night Out.

(Ending each day with this one...one of my favorite things;)

A day doesn't have to be fancy to be special.  My love tank is overflowing.  So often life passes by unnoticed, and I am thankful for birthdays and anniversaries that allow us an opportunity to stop and savor.  Today I am savoring the simplicity of just being in my own shoes.  I love that I am 38, comfortable with myself- well aware of the beautiful mess that is me, humbled by the way God uses that in ways that somehow bless others.  I love that I have a husband and a rockin' marriage that we have fought and worked for and can be proud of.  There is no one I'd rather have a lazy day with.  I love the four children that run me ragged but love me with every fiber of their tiny beings.  I love my extended family and dear friends.  Life is hard and broken- but I have a God who never leaves me and a legion of people who see me, get me, and love me anyway.  Happy Birthday indeed.

Kimmy and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Day

I love the book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day  it makes me laugh.  Our entire family enjoy the film by the same title.  Sometimes when everything is going wrong the best thing to do is laugh so I am dustin' off my computer keys and stretching my neglected blogging fingers to record this one for the history books.

Let me first say, my plan for the day was to clean my house because my birthday was the next day (today) and I wanted to wake up to a clean house and empty "to do" list.  Chloe and Christian had preschool, so I had a nice couple hours in the morning and then during nap to get it all done.  It was the makings of a productive, stress free day.

6:40 am- I received an email reply to a previous night's email.  I hadn't received any details on worship practice (which is abnormal) so I emailed the coordinator to see if I was still scheduled.  Her reply was "I didn't hear back from you so I wasn't sure what you were doing?"  I NEVER got her email.  I hate starting the day, feeling like someone thinks you ignored them and slacked off and really it was lost in some email black hole.
7:00am- Realize I have NOTHING for Phin's lunch.  Spend thirty minutes scraping together a lunch...a mismatch of crackers, baby bell cheese and some salami slices, canned peaches, and a granola bar.
7:30am- rushing out the door to get Ava and Phin to school and I remember it's everyone's library day, so I say, "Everyone has their library books, right?"  They all say, "yes".  I literally then think, "I think my Hashimoto's really is finally getting under control.  I cannot believe I remembered that without looking at my calendar.  Maybe the brain fog is finally improving."
8:15am- return home and sit down to grab breakfast and check my email.
8:25am- The phone rings and Ava is frantic because she has just learned the class Valentine's Party is at 2pm and we didn't do Valentine's yet.  WHAT?  Why is the class party on Wednesday?  I feel totally confused and it is 100% my fault.  The room mom sent an email asking people to sign up for food and sure enough it says 2pm Wednesday.  I guess I just figured parties are always at the end of the day before the holiday...lesson learned.
8:45am-Drop Chloe and Christian off at Preschool.
9:00am- Return home to put Ava's Valentines together and the phone rings almost immediately.  Apparently, I put Chloe's library folder in her bag, but her book isn't in her library folder.  We forgot her book last week so I needed to bring it back.
9:10am- I grab the Valentines and bubble tape to go with them, the library book and head out the door.
9:15am- Drop off Chloe's library book
9:30am- Run in Target to get the Marshmallows I have signed up to bring to Ava's class party.
9:50am- I sit in the parking lot at Ava's school, fill out all her Valentine's and tape the bubble tape on them.  Then take them inside.  The sweet secretary invites me to stay for chapel, where Ava is, and give her the Valentines when it is done.  How do you say, "no, I actually do not want to stay for Chapel?"  You just do.  I said, " I have one hour left with no kids, I love Jesus, but I don't want to stay for Chapel.  Can I please just leave these in her classroom?"  Ba ha ha...

I do an errand because running home is kind of a waste of time at this point.
11:30am- I pick up Chloe and Christian from School
11:40am- My cell phone rings, it is Phin's teacher.  She says, "Did you think Phin had hot lunch today?  We don't have him on the order, but he doesn't have a lunch?"  She probably was a bit caught off guard when I just started LAUGHING.  WHAT?!  I packed him a hodge podge lunch- where was it?!  It wasn't on the counter anymore!  She asked me to bring lunch.  Mind you I've already driven to their school TWICE and it's 20 minutes each way.  I told her I could come but it would be 20 minutes before I got there, plus I'd have to stop and pick up subway because we didn't have any lunch food left.  I found out lunch would be over before I got there and she said she'd hodge podge something together for him.
12:30pm- After lunch (Mac N Cheese if you are curious) for my preschoolers, I finally got them to nap and settle in for a good couple hours of chipping away at my "to do"s.  I probably don't have to even tell you that my little guy was a pill.  He almost always goes to nap easily...NOT THIS DAY.  Finally, his overtired grumpy self fell asleep.
2:30pm- I have to wake up Christian who is dead a sleep and crying hysterically that I woke him up.  I give him and Chloe candy to stop the tears (judge away, my friends, desperate times call for desperate measure).  I drive to school and think to myself, "WHY didn't I set up a play date for Phin?!"  See, Ava was going home with her friend Isabella (planned 2 weeks ago), which means I pick up Phin 20 minutes away at 3pm and return home only to pick up Ava at 5:15 the same direction but further 30 minutes away.  I need a taxi hat.
3:00pm pull into pick up line when Isabella's mom (Rachel is awesome and I totally love her) comes up to the car with my kids and says, "I was just here for the Valentine's party and Jake (a year older than Phin) doesn't have anyone coming over today.  He wants Phin to come too, would that be okay.  I started laughing...sure, why not...whatever.
3:30pm- back home putting laundry away and I realize I FORGOT THE DOG!  See, the day before I had dropped off Ollie at the dog daycare because I was going to be gone all day at my friend Christina's helping her unpack.  The problem was I got a flat tire and I couldn't pick him up before they closed, so I called and explained and they boarded him, but I was supposed to pick him up before noon...
4:30pm- head out, pick up Ollie, get charged for a second day of boarding.
5;15pm- pick up Ava and Phin, and get cluttered in crazy traffic so realize I have to feed my kids dinner in the car.  Mama is going to splurge and get Steak N Shake.  I mean have you ever had their Parmesan garlic fries.  That is some GOOD stress food.  I pull into the drive thru and I order a Steak Frank with ketchup only and those heavenly friend and food for my kids.  The drive thru takes forever.  I hand the kids back their food while driving home, sort of stressing that I will be late for worship practice (and she probably already thinks me a flake;).   It is dark, I grab some fries...THEY ARE NOT Parmesan garlic- they are plain.  Not even salty- PLAIN.  Argh.  I'm not going to wallow- I move on to the hot dog.  I bite into it...have you even drank or eaten something expecting something else?  That horrifying, "what is going on?" feeling when it isn't what you expect?  Yep, had that cuz my hot dog, which I ordered with KETCHUP only has on it MUSTARD only.  I start laughing...my kids know I am crazy so they just laugh hysterically too.  We are a driving bunch of laughing hyena's.  They don't even know why we are laughing
6:00pm- we are just about home when sweet Chloe says, "These are the best fries ever."  NO!  It cannot be...I say, "Chloe Roberta, hand me one of those best fries ever please."  She happily shares....THEY ARE MY FRIES.  My fries are in her kid's meal!  I say, "Those are my fries!"  TO which she says, "That's okay, I don't mind, they WERE yummy."  The curly Q ate almost all of them....seriously.
6:05pm-We are home, I am quickly giving Marc the pass off. I ask him to have the kids clean the rooms, fold the laundry in the dryer (trying to salvage the plan to wake up with a orderly home) and help Phin with his Valentines.  I instruct him to make sure Phin writes them all, but to help him fold them and then tape stamps on top because they aren't allowed to bringing candy.
6:30-10pm- worship practice.  It was fun.  I love to sing.  I drive home, thinking, "well, that was a great way to end the craziness."  I should quit having thoughts.
10pm- I walk in the door and am chatting with Marc and I notice this:


"Why are the stamps still here, did you forget the Valentines?!"

He says, "No, we stamped them all."  

Seriously, I could not stop laughing and thinking I somehow woke up in an Amelia Bedelia book.  After I explain he said, "Oh!  I wondered why you bought so many stamps."

It was the perfect end to the day where few things went right and certainly wasn't the stress free day I planned.  It's a mixture of my brain farts and circumstances, but really, a mom who plans quiet time to herself should just know better.  If kids are involved, especially four of them, something's going awry.  Throw a husband and Hashimoto's in the mix and we are just happy we are all alive and laughing.  It's a crazy life, folks, and it's 100% mine.