Wednesday, February 18, 2015

The Why's behind the What's

This was my status on facebook a couple days ago.  I don't think I have to further describe how absolutely grotesque a situation the wood floor vomit thing was...

Yesterday was more vomit and diarrhea.

Last night, I had three kids with fevers- Chloe and Christian with coughs and the big D, and poor Phin was still throwing up.  I got about 5 hours of choppy sleep and Phin was so miserable he didn't want me to leave him so I carried his mattress and bed things onto the floor of my room about 3 am.

This morning, I had a massage scheduled during the two hour break I get while Chloe and Christian are in preschool.  Instead it had to be cancelled, as I have three littles home sick.  Bless Ava's heart, she's representing the healthy side (a time her OCD handwashing tendancies actually may be her life saver).  I am Clorox wiping every surface and toilet and washing sheets AGAIN.

Did I mention my hubs is at a crucial meeting this week that he really cannot miss unless it's an absolute emergency (like if I go down with the troops)?  It's in sunny Florida so that makes it all the more lovely to think about when I feel like the smell of diarrhea and vomit may be forever trapped in my nose.

Livin' the dream....livin' the dream.  I mean this is the stuff I imagined as I nested during my first pregnancy, right?;)

A little comment on my facebook page (cough- Jenny) made me think.  The comment was good- natured from a kidless dear friend, "You're not helping the cause Kim! Feeling so bad for you all right now!"

I Laughed, but then it made me stop to think.  Why does everyone encourage this parenthood thing?  I mean it's grotesque and inconvenient.  It's filled with sleepless nights and frustrating moments.  Are we all just insane?

The insanity part is undoubtedly debatable;)  But what makes these moments worth it?

1)Snuggling a scrunched up newborn to your chest and feeling your hearts beat as one as they sleep.
2)Being the one to see the first smile, and hear the first laugh.
3)Being the one a baby reaches for with squeals of delight the moment they see you.
4) Hearing Mama for the very first time...
5) Watching babies explore the world with wonder and figure out how to use their little bodies to move about the world.
6) Being so desirable, that YOU are the one they work so hard to tottle toward and take their very first steps.
7) Watching them unashamedly grimace as they poop their diaper....I mean gross, but hilarious.  What parents don't laugh at this?  It had to make the list.
8) Toddlers mispronouncing or using similar words in the wrong context...hilarity.
9) Seeing kids personalities emerge- each different and unique
10) Seeing them fall in love with toys and books and their imagination
11) Being amazed at the brains ability to learn and memorize (hello two year old who can recite Moo Baa La La La)
12) Hearing toddlers sing
13) Family dance parties
14) The absolute gratitude and delight my kids express at any and every gift- no matter how big or small
15) Breastfeeding....I was skipping it cuz I know not everyone loves it, but I do and this is my blog, so on the list it goes!  I will forever be grateful for those quiet moments of solitude, breastfeeding my littles in the still of evening hours.  I think some of my most content moments in life were spent in my leather Lazy Boy gazing at my contented baby.
16) The awesomeness of them dressing themselves in ridiculous combinations that they are so very proud to wear.
17) The lack of filters in toddlers mouths- never have to wonder what they are thinking about you or anyone you pass in Target
18) Watching a child learn to read
19) Seeing a kid ride a bike independently for the first time
20) Watching their unabashed self delight at every thing they accomplish, no false modesty in kiddos- nope not a shred of it
21) Laughing hysterically at knock-knock jokes that makes absolutely no sense to anyone but the tiny teller
22)  Pig tails and tiny painted nails
23) The pure joy kiddos find in running around naked
24) bedtime stories
25) Hearing belly laughs (Phin's especially) while kiddos watch movies ( eg.Home Alone;) or America's Funniest Home Videos
26) Seeing my daughters have absolute confidence in their beauty and bodies
27) Watching kids fall in love with Jesus
28) Hearing their heart and passions for the world around them develop
29) Realizing you have a budding artist whose abilities far surpass your 37 year old self when they are only 8
30) Hearing positive things from teachers and friends parents about your children's kindness
31) Playing Wii as a family
32) Snowball fights and sledding
33) Getting homemade birthday cards
34) A jam pile of morning cuddles
35) Being forgiven instantly, EVERY time I mess up as a mom.  No questions or qualms about it.  I apologize and ask forgiveness and every time they answer as if I didn't even need to ask.
36)  Hearing about school days on the car ride home
37) Seeing my husband be the best dad ever...I could NEVER have even imagined he'd be so stinkin' good at it
38) Watching ballet class (It cannot possibly get any cuter)
39) Seeing my kids care for each other (eg. walked in last evening to Ava sitting next to Phin's bed reading aloud to him while he lay and listened.  She knew his eyes were kind of hurting from his fever so she read for him.....)
40) Little boys in Teenage Mutant Hero under-roos

The list could literally go on ad nauseum...and boredom certainly would never be listed.

Here's the thing, even IF someone had told me that I'd one day be digging vomit chunks out of the cracks between the hard wood, or wiping pee off the bathroom floor on a weekly basis (what is it with boys?!), even if someone would have told me that my kids would try to climb my closet shelves, breaking them all in the process or stick coins in my car CD player and cause $600 worth of damage, even if I would have been able to not just hear about sleepless nights but KNOW how hard they'd be, even if I knew how hard it would be to get out to the movies or find a babysitter for 4 kids, even if.....

I WOULD DO IT ALL AGAIN IN AN INSTANT- ALL OF IT.  Motherhood is hard and exhausting and in those moments, sometimes I just want to run away with my Visa and see how far away I'd get before someone caught me.  It's hard.  But here's the truth, most beauty in life is discovered in the hard stuff.  I'm by far a better person- God has chipped off lots of crap and revealed much more yet to be extracted from my heart.  Motherhood takes and takes and sometimes it feels like there is nothing more to take...until I stop and realize that somehow in all the taking it has given me tenfold in return.  I could take my Visa and run, but I guarantee after a couple days on the beach, I'd high tail it back.   Words cannot adequately express the joy of being a mom- the ways it completes you in ways you never knew you needed to be completed.  I know I am better for it, so bring on the vomit, diarrhea, and disobedience- I happen to know those little things come wrapped in MUCH bigger, better things.

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