It's Certainly Uncertainty

Last year we felt the theme of our lives was "intentionality."  I liked that one.  This year, thus far anyway, I'm not so keen on the theme forced upon us: "uncertainty".  I probably should have blogged about it much sooner than today, but our life has felt so uncertain that it's hard to even articulate.

Marc is losing his job.  His last day is Friday, actually.  We find ourselves in a spot we NEVER would have anticipated.  Does anyone?  We found out last August that Johnsonville would be making some significant restructuring changes; and Marc would be out of a job or in a dramatically different job within 12-18 months.  It turns out it was about 6 months, and he was offered severance or a significant demotion with salary decrease (which we did consider but felt it wasn't where God was leading, as it wouldn't have matched with the gifts and strengths God has given Marc).

It's been shocking because it's not performance related.  Last January, at his yearly review he was given the highest rating, with a raise above their standard scale.  We could never have anticipated this change less than a year later.  We thought, with good reasons that I won't elaborate upon, that we'd be here for the long haul.  It was a bit jarring to come to terms with this idea that seemingly came out of left field.  

In the beginning, I was certain something would change.  We really thought God moved us to Sheboygan to raise our kids.  We bought this home because we could envision them as teenagers, running about.  I had worked through a lot of emotions about the culture in Sheboygan.  It is very different from what we were used to, but I felt like last year, God really answered the prayers of my heart in amazing ways.  I felt like I had deeper understanding of the culture here and had friendships that were getting deeper, and are just very special.  I finally felt rooted and HOME here, and we got the news about job change.  What?  Seriously?

We just don't know exactly what God is up to.  

What I know for sure? God shows us what we need to know when we need to know it.  He didn't promise us we'd raise our kids in Sheboygan.  He told us to move here.  He provided this house and He told us to form roots; we did that.  He did not tell us for how long.  Had we known that perhaps we'd only be here for three years, maybe we'd have been reluctant to make friends or be involved in ministry.  I know for sure that HE knows what He's doing and where He is leading, even if at the moment we are in complete darkness.

We don't want to go ahead of God.  So far, He hasn't shown us options for employment in Sheboygan area....and believe me, we've looked and talked to local companies (well, Marc has talked to local companies;).  It seems like He's leading us elsewhere, but He also hasn't shown us where that is yet.  Perhaps something will happen suddenly and we will end up staying right where we are for 20 more years.  We have no clue.  We know something is changing, and yet we don't know what it is changing to.

Should we put our house up for sale?  We are preparing it for being sold, but waiting for God to clearly tell us the timing on doing so.  

He is in final rounds of a job with a company outside Chicago...closer to my family.  Perhaps that will be good bringing Christian home?  Final rounds do not equal job offer, anyway, so we hold it loosely until God either opens or closes the door.  He is in beginning rounds of a few other jobs in various areas.  Will God move us to a new location with no friends and family in the middle of an adoption?  Would he do that?  He might.

We try to focus on today and remember Jeremiah 29:11 -- His plans are for our benefit, not our harm.  No matter what the "what ifs" are, we need to focus on truth.  All we know is, life is changing, and the only place we want to be is in the center of God's will.  Will Marc get a new job, or will we go through a period of financial hardship?  Will we need to sell a house that isn't easy to sell in this area?  Will we move?  Where?  Will there be good schooling options for our kids?  Will we have time to apply for Christian schools in a new area when deadlines seem to be April?  When will Christian come home?  Will we still be in this house when he comes home?  Or a new one?
A new home requires a new homestudy.  A new homestudy has different requirements in different states.  Will it slow down our adoption process?  (It won't change things on the Haitian side; it could delay things because our immigration preapproval is linked to our homestudy and will need to be redone.)

Uncertainty.  Uncertainty. The controlling side of me is not so fond of uncertainty.  It's been hard to communicate with our kids.  We had to tell them a couple weeks ago that Papa will be changing jobs, because after Friday, he'll be home every day.  It was hard to be unable to answer their questions about what job and where....wish we knew, kiddos, wish we knew;)  

We certainly are not in a comfortable place.  I keep clinging to the passage in Isaiah about those who wait on the Lord renewing their strength.  It says, we'll rise on wings like eagles.  It's an interesting picture.  Eagles build their nest HIGH on cliffs.  When babies are to learn to fly, the mama pushes them out and swoops to catch them before they crash on the rocks below.  She does it repeatedly until they learn to flap their wings and fly.  Based on this scripture, I know God isn't going to let us crash on the rocks below, but so many times, I've cried out in prayer, "Look, the rocks are getting pretty close now, please swoop in and rescue us, or show us what we should be doing to fly."

It has certainly been tough at times; I'd be lying if I said otherwise.  It just plain isn't easy to look at a future full of uncertainty.  Still, I have to honesty say that I am also thankful.  It's at times like these that you look at your life and realize what is important.  We have a strong marriage and healthy children.  We could lose everything material and know that we'd still have the key to happiness- a personal relationship with Jesus.

The stuff we've said we believe has been put to the test and with increased certainty, we know we do believe it in the core of our being.  That is a beautiful thing- our foundation isn't on certainty in this life, it's built upon a God who is completely certain and doesn't change.  What a blessing.  To be shaken and find your soul is build on solid rock is just amazing, humbling, and makes us evermore grateful for a sovereign God, Unchangeable and Trustworthy.

I don't know if God will move us from Sheboygan, but it seems at the moment that He may indeed be leading that way.  I've been able to sit and pour out gratitude for my time here.  The moments of stillness and the beauty of nature in our very own back yard.  My Tuesday evening Bible study, where I am the youngest by far, that challenges me every week to keep pursuing Jesus.  My mom's group, that erupted out of nowhere, completely in God timing, giving me peers that live life with me in authenticity.  Two of my closest friends here, who I know without a doubt are life long friends, have made me a better mom.  They remind me to seize TODAY, to enjoy THIS stage, and smile at the future.  A beautiful Christian School, with a community of teachers and parents that love God and my kids.  A church with solid biblical teaching.  A small group that feels like God put it together Himself.  If I leave here, I leave here having grown, having been blessed and hopefully having been a blessing to others.  

Isn't that what life is about?  About not wasting time that you are given?  I have been blessed beyond measure in my life.  I have friends in various parts of the country, and I realize that love is not bound to a location or time.  Heart-bonds spread wide over miles.  I know I am better for being here. I won't pretend that I don't hope and pray some things are soon clarified;)  But the uncertainty has allowed me times of examination and brought me to my knees in Gratitude.

God doesn't change.  He provides.  He is present.  He is good.  He will lead and guide in HIS perfect timing.  In the meantime, we wait;  I look forward for the opportunity to report back when we are soaring on Eagles Wings;)

Photographic peace

I knew in my head that Christian was fine when he returned to the orphanage, but when the last time you see your child they are crying and reaching for you, your heart sometimes begs to differ.

Today my friend, Kristin, sent me pictures of Christian from the afternoon the day I left.  I cried.  My heart needed to see proof that he indeed was A-OK.  I am so very thankful!  God provides for us in the smallest way and it's good to be reminded that he cares about the seemingly "little" things.

My Second Trip to Haiti

I returned on Wednesday from my second trip to Haiti.  I hoped to blog sooner, but even now I am at a loss for how to summarize my few days in Haiti.  It's hard to find words to articulate the experience.  I know readers would like a concise post, so I apologize in advance if this becomes too verbose.  Editing the murmurings of my heart has never been a strength of mine.

Getting to Haiti this time felt difficult.  Ava was sick the Monday before I left (I left on a Saturday).  She woke with a high fever and I immediately was nervous that she might have influenza, as the media has been abuzz with how dreadful it is this year.  I had to work through a myriad of emotions Monday morning, not unlike a grieving process, before coming to a place of surrender.  As much as I was desperate to see Christian, I knew that if God was closing the door, his plans were superior to mine and I needed to trust him.  Bringing flu to an orphanage could be deadly, if it was flu is would be a definite "no go".  It turns out it was a much simpler virus.  Her fever lasted for the first day, and she was back in school by Wednesday.  All appeared well...until FRIDAY when Chloe woke with a fever.  We went back and forth about whether I should go to Haiti the next day, but Marc was firm that he could handle things at home and unless I showed any signs of getting ill, I'd get on that plane as scheduled.

I left for Haiti VERY early Sunday morning via Chicago.  My flight was delayed due to a light that wouldn't go out- the light that says the door is open would not go off when they closed the door.  Thankfully maintenance crews were able to fix the problem.  I had a three hour layover in Miami., where I was to meet up with another mother and our agency director for the trip into Port Au Prince.  I sat in the gate, asking every single woman I saw if she was Kristin and keeping my eye out for our director.  The flight was boarding and there was no sign of either of them.  I was on the phone with Marc having him double check the itinerary they sent me and making sure I didn't get my days mixed up.  He assured me they were to be on the flight.  The fact that both of them were no where to be seen was crazy- they were coming from different parts of the country.  I made sure I had contact numbers for the orphanage director and boarded the plane, but not without anxiety.  My last trip to Haiti was wonderful concerning Christian but extremely difficult and lonely even with Marc there.  I kept praying for God to protect me and give me grace if I was to make this journey alone.  The last person to board the plane and sit down directly behind me was our agency director.  I cannot tell you the relief that flooded me.  I don't speak Kreyol and being "lost" in Port Au Prince is no small matter!  She isn't the most warm and fuzzy person, or I would have kissed her upon sight;)  Kristin also made the flight but was seated farther front so I didn't see her board.  I prayed a lot on flight.  So much had seemed to happen to ruffle my feathers the week leading up to the trip, I prayed for spiritual protection and a wonderful time with Christian.

We arrived in Port Au Prince to find there is a new addition to the airport- it is actually MODERN!  What a nice surprise;)  We go through customs with ease and I found that Kristin was a nervous wreck.  Poor girl was on her first trip to Haiti and the gentleman next to her on the flight literally told her horror stories the entire way down; he told her she should have brought a body guard.  I am sure it didn't help calm her when she was welcomed by the crowd of people clamoring to carry your bag or give you a ride and our driver no where to be seen...thereby leaving us to the crowd longer than necessary.  I felt for her- I have never ever had or understood panic attacks until my first trip to Haiti last October.  Communication is so poor, expectations are hard to set and being completely unsure of where you or how to get anywhere is very unsettling.  Her tears were barely under the surface and I got it, I felt her heart and fears and offered what reassurance I could, while Diana (our director) set off to find the driver.

Sonia, our orphanage director, came with the driver to meet us.  I was delighted to see her again.  She is working hard on our behalf to get Christian home, so the affection I feel for her runs deep.  They took us directly to the orphanage.  I was honored to witness Kristin's meeting of her son for the first time.  I know her son from pictures and our last visit and knowing he has such a wonderful mother does my heart good;)  Christian was already in bed for the night, sound asleep.  I learned then, that they go to bed very early (5pm or so) and get up very early.  I suppose it is cooler for sleeping.

I could tell from his breathing that he had much congestion and was told he had a cold.  I didn't want to wake him- seemed a bit traumatic.  I learned, however, that Sonia would not have time to get me the orphanage on Monday and I'd have to wait until Tuesday.  Leaving Wednesday and only seeing Christian on Tuesday?   No way;)  I went ahead and woke him up.  He cried- no surprise and his crying escalated to terrified screaming when I started to get into the van with him.  The poor kid hasn't been in a car since social services brought him to the orphanage at one month old.  He did calm and buried his face into my chest.  I savored the warmth and the way he clung to me tightly with all four of his extremities.  I barely heard conversation around me, I just basked in the delight of holding my baby again, of offering him a secure embrace.  I smelled his sweet baby head and kissed him a thousand times.  My heart was overflowing.

He was quite awake when we finally arrived at the guest house and joined us for dinner.  I had brought along Gerber yogurt melts on my first visit and he loved them.  I brought loads for him this time;)  He just stared at me through out dinner, and it was obvious he had more than a cold.  He looked like he felt terrible, but his eyes also seemed to recognize me with familiarity.  I assume his nanny has been showing him the book I left him on our first visit and I am grateful.

He fell asleep soon after dinner, as I held him.

I layed awake for sometime, knowing I should be sleeping because he would wake up far earlier than I am used to and yet the excitement kept me tossing and turning....that and the very noisy breathing from my son in the pack n play next to me.  I knew we needed to get him medicine in the morning.

Day 2-

Christian woke about 5 am (which is 4 am back home), but I had already been up for over an hour listening to the roosters crowing.  How had I forgotten about those stinkin' roosters;)?  I thought roosters crowed at sunrise...it was still pitch black and about 3 am when they started.  I may hate roosters.

Christian woke with crying but calmed as soon as I picked him up.  I layed him down to change his diaper and noticed him tossing his head to and fro.  My eyes were still adjusting to the lights I'd just turned on but it didn't take me long to notice both his eyes were completely crusted shut.  There is no warm running water in Haiti.  It took me quite a bit of time to uncrust his precious eyes with cold water, but he didn't fight me one bit.  His pink eye was so severe that his eyes were not just watery, they were pussy.  I prayed we'd be able to get him ointment quickly.  I knew he needed antibiotics too.  It was painfully obvious that he had a sinus infection and bronchitis, as well.  No one else seemed awake, so I got out the wooden shape sorter I had brought for him...and we played.

Christian was not feeling well, but he still seemed very comfortable with me.  I was so surprised and delighted that he seemed unphased to be in a new setting with a relatively new person and was fine.  He definitely knew who I was.  Whether he understands what it means when I call myself his mom, is debatable, but he definitely knew I was safe and good.

We were able to go with our agency director to a pharmacy right after breakfast.  I was able to buy what I needed plus some Vitamin C which the pharmacist insisted upon and Diana told me I had no choice but to buy since this lady was insisting.  No problem;)  I was so pleased they had amoxicillin AND erythromycin ointment.  I had to dig deep in my nursing brain to remember how to dose amoxicillin and surprised that the information came to me;)  Christian obviously disliked the amoxicillin but he was compliant with drinking it (and let me tell you it is not masked in happy bubble gum flavor in Haiti) and  he let me put in the ointment without a fuss.  We spent the morning cuddling and playing with Kristin and her son Matt.

He says, "Halo" to answer the phone 

 A cuddle with my baby;)

A little acetaminophen and antibiotics were all baby boy needed to free up his smiles;)

In the afternoon, I was able to go with our director to visit the main orphanage she works with (not Christian's).  I've seen a lot of kids in the photos she sends out from her trips and was delighted to see them in person and have the privilege of seeing her in her element.  She loves these children.

Diana giving cuddle to some of her kiddos...

The afternoon held a good nap and bubbles, along with the opportunity to skype with Marc and the kids;)

Preciousness

He loves bubbles;)

 How can you not love this kid!

He likes to be held or have me close by...when I put him down, he'd stand next to me and just rest his head on my leg...I didn't mind a bit;)

Day 3-

Day 3 started at 4:30am (which by the way, is 3:30 am back home, so it took me a minute to register where i was when I heard Christian start crying;)  There is not much to say about Day 3.  We stayed in the guest house all day and bonded...he definitely was feeling better and his eyes were clearing up.  I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of time with him.  He was comfortable enough to begin mischief making-  blowing raspberries at me and laughing with delight, climbing the bookshelf, and even dumping the remote control that was left within reach in a cup of water before I could reach him.  He'll fit right in to our household!

 The kid figured out the iphone pretty quickly...he has zero lack of intelligence, I assure you.

 He gives amazing, amazing hugs!

 Kristin and Matt Milhan, on their way to their court date (yes, she's farther along in the process than we are;)

 Someone was feeling MUCH better on Tuesday!  (the sore on his nose, by the way is from a fall before I arrived;)

 ah! I love him;)

 Baby boy, lovin' his Yogurt Melts...I may have been a bit generous with them, but Mama only visits every couple months and they DO have probiotics in them, right?

 I cannot deny enjoying the sunshine and heat, especially knowing it was zero degrees at home;)

 Kristin and Matt having a little dance in the sunshine.  Can I just say I have undoubtedly made a friend for life.  This woman is amazing;)

 Our boys..Matt is so very sweet with Christian.  They are both from the same orphanage and it was enjoyable to watch them interact.

Christian was a bit nervous outside at first, but it didn't last long... 

We found some sidewalk chalk at the guesthouse- more fun;)  I have each of my children's first "drawings" in their baby books, so one of the sidewalk chalk pictures will go in his baby book, as well.

I had asked on Tuesday if I could take Christian back to his orphanage Tuesday night because I've read on other's blogs that their kids were just put in a car and taken to the orphanage crying or left with the driver after they were dropped off at the airport.  I didn't want this for him.  He is very comfortable with his nannies, but even spending all our time with Kristin, he didn't let her hold him and freaked out the time she tried to pick him up.  I wanted to get him settled in his own environment and hold him for the car ride, knowing how terrified he'd been in the car.  Unfortunately this didn't work out- I can't drive and it apparently didn't fit into the orphage director's schedule.  You'll pick up on my frustration here.  For the most part, parents have to just adapt and accept Haitian culture as it is.  It is inconvenient, and seemingly disorganized to us.  There is not the rush and scheduled culture we are used to. That is fine.  We just accept it and deal.  We eat strange food and deal with what to us are inconveniences- like this time having a bathroom that smelled so strongly of sewage I literally had to hold my breath the entire time I was using it.  Haitians don't view our kids in the same light we do.  Don't get me wrong, they love children, but expect a strength in them, we do not.  I think they could come to our side a bit on this one...appease me. Make fun of me behind my back if you want for the way I coddle my child, but make me happy and let me see him settled before I depart.  I felt frustrated and angry.  The plan was I would leave at 6:30 and the orphanage director would pick him up.  If she wasn't there when I left, I'd leave him with Kristin and Diana...I had no choice.  I was not pleased.

Day 4- Departure

Christian was hard to put to sleep the night before.  I wondered if it was just he was feeling better and fighting it or if he sense my emotions about departure.  It took me a while to get him down and he slept fitfully and ended up waking up crying at 1:30.  I just brought him in bed with me.  I think I needed him close as much as he wanted me.

He slept until 5:30.  I was able to wash him, dress him, and give him his morning dosage of meds before the orphanage director arrived at 6am.  I was thankful she came right away...perhaps she did understand my anxiety a little bit.  She isn't his caregiver, but he sees her daily.  I gave her instructions on the meds and his stuff along with the dolls and trucks I had brought for the other children at the orphanage.  I walked her to the car.  She got in and I handed her Christian, he cried/screamed and reached out for me.  She shut the door.

I fell apart.  Not the way, I wanted to say goodbye.  I know without a doubt he was fine when he got back to the orphanage, but I so wish I could have saved him the traumatic car ride, by being with him, etc.  It was very hard, there's no other way to say it.  My heart ached and still does.

I ate breakfast with Kristin and Matt and left at 6:30 for the airport....and had a glitchless flight home.

I've been exhausted and emotional since returning.  It was much harder this time and I know it will only get increasingly difficult.  It is hard to live in this in between.  Hard to have a child so far away.  Still, I have no choice and I would do anything for this kid...even hurt over and over again. I'll keep visiting- it's good for him in the long run.  He did so much better than I anticipated and I want him to know me as much as possible before we pull him out of all that is familiar and bring him home.  I love him beyond words.

When will he come home?  I know you are wondering- everyone asks.  We just don't know.  We are in social services awaiting presidential disspensation (a signature) and that could take months yet or could be done tomorrow.  We pray for a miracle and brace for a long haul.  We had hoped by some miracle he'd be home for his birthday in May.  He will not.  I pray he'll be home at the end of summer...or at least in 2013.  We knew Haiti was unpredictable...and it is.  All we know is we trust our agency completely- they are truly the best at this and will do all that is in their power,but we are at the mercy of a system far less efficient that ours.  Prayer is needed!

Christian Willy on Christmas

It's a bit late, but not everyone is in the rush we Americans can't seem to escape.  This morning I recieved a picture of Christian from Christmas.  It's a bit blurry but precious. 

He looks completely annoyed to be standing in front of the tree;)  I can tell he's gotten taller though and thinned out quite a bit.  Look at his cute little toes;)  Mommy's going to bring him some bigger shoes, and a couple Christmas presents of our own.  OOOO, I cannot wait to kiss these cheeks, look into those precious dark eyes, tickle his bulging belly (that looks quite like his cousin Mia's at this age;) and make that mouth that naturally turns down (like his grandma's actually;) smile.

And the food they ate:

The funniest things give comfort to a longing mama...a food picture;)  And here were my thoughts, in case you're curious:
"Oh, he had ham and cheesy potatoes just like us!"
"They had fried plantain cakes like we did at our Haiti Silly Supper; I better get a little better at making those."
"Next Christmas, I'll try to include the plantains at Christmas, cuz he'll probably be with us."
"Thank you God, that my boy will probably be with US next year."

Then I get teary...and that my friends is the mind of an adoptive mother in waiting...pretty much always ends up leading to tears;)

I'm going to see my baby;)

I have been aching for Christian.  Both Marc and I just miss him like crazy and keep praying that things move along in Haiti so we can bring him home.  We still have no idea when exactly that will be.

We'd been talking about visiting him again, but Marc is undergoing some job changes (that'll be a blog for another day;) and we don't know when he can get away.  I emailed our director to see who else would be traveling in the next couple months to see if there was a possibility to travel with another family (otherwise, it would be incredibly isolating and lonely at the guest house!).  I found out another mom is traveling...WITH our director.

In a quick turn of events, I immediately seized the invitation to join them, so in 9 days I get to see my baby boy again.  I will again keep the trip short.  I am hoping he's seen the book I left him enough times that his heart will welcome seeing me again.  I'll stay two full days with him again and then return home.  I have not yet decided if I will leave him at the orphanage or take him back to the guest house with me.  Because there will be other children from the orphanage at the guest house, it might be a good time to introduce that setting to him.  There will be familiar faces for him!

I am so excited, my heart is just soaring.  God is so so so good, both in providing an opportunity to see Christian through a VERY good deal on a flight (especially only 9 days before) and an opportunity to meet our agency director face to face and visit Haiti with her (though she'll be attending to much business while there;)

Thankful.  Thankful.  Thankful.

Christmas with family

Okay final Christmas posting...wow, I can't believe I am done with this "to do" item;)  Next year I simply must try to blog real time because it sure it a daunting task after the fact;)


Christmas Eve (the real one;)  We decorate a birthday cake for Jesus.  This year, my mom elected to do cupcakes.

Chloe and Mia hard at work decorating;) 

Phin, Ava and Jordan doing a bit of decorating of their own... 

 Mommy and Chloe

My sister Karla and niece Mia.

And some other random family pictures...cuz I do love my familia.

Getting food ready...(in my handy dandy Christmas Apron....everyone needs one, I think.)

My grandma sent Phin a "Hot Potato" game.... 

FUN FOR ALL AGES, let me tell ya;) 

Phin got this same toy for our neighbor for HIS birthday and has wanted it for himself since then (July), he was DELIGHTED that my sister FINALLY got it for him;) 

My sisters and parents all went in together (we have a limit on what we can spend per person) and got Ava her second American Girl doll.  Felicity's best friend, Elizabeth.  She was completely shocked and stunned. 

My sister Katie and Bro-in-law Brian 

 organized chaos

 Ava got the privilege of reading the Advent Book this year...

 Cousins...and friends

 Karla received a shirt from my Grandma that was well...a bit big for her and perhaps not quite what she would by for herself, so her husband tried it on for size

It's true we're all 8 shades of crazy...and we wouldn't have it any other way;)

CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

It was very noticable to our hearts that our family was not complete on Christmas.  How wish Christian were home, but we know God's timing will be perfect.  Still he was part of the day in our hearts.   We had his jammies and the kids without prompting wrapped little things of their own to save for him.  It's exciting to think that most likely this time next year, he'll be with us!!

Christian Willy, you are loved and missed!

For Christmas we get the kids three gifts.  Each represents Gold, Frankincense or myrhh.  It keeps Christmas focused and simple.

The first present we open, however, is the baby Jesus...

 We talked about the hay we had placed in the manger all month long and how our hearts always need to be a place that welcomes Jesus.

And we sang some songs

We explained to our kids the meaning of their gifts.  The Frankincense was often used by priests in the temple so it had significance to his role as our high priest but it also had many every day uses for the body and was used in salves, for incense, etc.  It was practical and so this is a gift of something they need for their body.  For Ava- sock, Phin- mittens, Chloe- big girl undies.

The myrrh was used to embalm dead bodies, it signified that he came to die.  It was a symbol of the job God had placed in on the earth to do, of the spiritual focus of his life.  This is a gift of spiritual significance.  We gave Phin and Ava books and Chloe recieved a new Veggie Tales DVD.

Finally, the gold gifts.  Self explanatory- extravagant gifts.

For Ava- Felicity's (her american girl doll) bed

(A parent can't ask for a better reaction;)

 For Phin- PIZZA PLANET!!!

And chloe- well, Chloe got the complete dress up outfit from Pinkalicious and I have no idea why we don't have a picture....so here is one from her opening her undies, which she probably was more excited about anyway:)