Hair Today, but maybe be not tomorrow!

I was in desperate need of a hair cut and such. My highlights had grown out so much that I was embarrassed to wear my hair down. Unfortunately I didn't make it a priority to get it done, so I was almost sheepish going in today; I was sure someone would say, "Girl, you KNOW you should have been in a couple months ago!"

In prepping for todays hair appointment, I had quite a chat with myself. I always get really great haircuts. The problem is, I hate to blow dry and straighten my hair. I hate it. This leads to my trademark hairstyle- a pony tail. When I went in today, I said to Natalie, "I need something wash and go; what can we do with my waves?" She said, "waves? Kim, you have straight up curly hair." I was kind of surprised, though I have noticed increased kinks and waves with each pregnancy. Today she cut it into a curly style and defused it. I am freakin'. I can't believe this is my natural hair. I don't know if I'll keep doing it curly; the syle she gave me can still be straightened...and I am afraid I might still resort to the pony.

My hubby thinks it's great to wear the hair God gave me. I am not so sure. Honest comments more than welcome...oh and please excuse the pale face; I don't like to take time for makeup either. Any spare time and I rather grab a really good book:P (I think my sisters wonder where this LaPine girl came from!)

(This is a terrible angle, but I am snappin' myself and not too good at it, obviously!)

Addendum- so, I can't do it- I feel like a 12 year old. My hair ended up in a pony tail by the evening and I'm going to try this cut straight tomorrow. We'll see...

Halloween....hmmmm

Tomorrow is Halloween. I love seeing my kids dressed up. Is there anything cuter than a little kid in a cute costume. The deserve candy- they are so darn tootin' adorable. The truth is though I am really struggling with Halloween this year. My opinion up to this point is that I didn't want to celebrate the evil aspects of Halloween, but I also didn't want my kid to stick out like a sore thumb, if he or she was the only kid not participating, not getting a piece of candy in their lunch, not talking about dressing up. I was always allowed to go trick or treating and I looked forward to it every year. It was never about anything evil just about fun and candy; a day all about candy, what could be better to a child?

I am really struggling with the concept of Halloween today, however. I find it is HARD to KEEP it innocent for my child. Ava is 3 1/2. She is in the middle of the stage of "Nightmares"; she loses a lot of sleep cuz of these crazy nuisances! If the holiday were just about "fun", it shouldn't have to be a concern. Instead, I have to worry about decorations in every store we enter. Is it just me or have Halloween decorations gotten scarier? We can't even get a craft a Michael's without passing grotesque and scary displays. It quite honestly infuriates me. I can't drive down the major street to my house without having to try to distract Ava from the scary costumed people trying to lure people into the seasonal Halloween stores that have seeminly sprung up in droves.

Today Ava had ballet. Her instructor was dressed cute in a cat costume. Ballet should be a perfectly "safe" place to take your child. Today, however, it was all about Halloween. Is it cute for three year olds to dance to Thriller, I am not sure?! They were to pretend they were ghosts. My child said she was afraid of ghosts and was told "it was just pretend". Here is the problem, I am lying to my child if I tell her ghosts aren't real. See I believe there is plenty of evil that we cannot see. I believe that ARE evil spirits. I have taken care of patients, when working as a nurse, who were members of the Church of Satan and let me tell you they were VERY frightening people. Evil DOES exist and I don't see the humor in celebrating it and pretending it doesn't. But am I going to say to my three year old, "Actually ghosts are real". NO, instead I did my best to protect my child. Unfortunately today that meant keeping her back when the rest of her ballet class went through a "Haunted House". It was supposed to not be scarry, but I peaked in and some of the pictures would keep her up for weeks. I just don't get why as a christian I have to be so careful to be PC, to not assume someone celebrates Christmas or Easter, but God forbid anyone give equal consideration to the fact that as a Christian I don't think it is funny to celebrate witches, ghosts, or demons.

My faith aside- my kid gets scared. Why do people scare three year olds? Why is that okay? Why is that funny? Does no one remember waking from a nightmare and having to drum up every couragous bone in your body just to walk through the dark to your parents room/ to safety? I am just frustrated....F-R-U-S-T-R-A-T-E-D! Should I hide my children away for the month of October? It seems it is getting scarier and scarier every year. Our poor children are exposed to severed heads, blood, and gore as toddlers just by driving down the street. How can we expect children to maintain any innocence?! We wouldn't let them watch horror films, but it's hard to keep them from viewing decor in a neighbors yard! Why are we surprised that children in our society are numb to violence and gore?

Confession

I hate to admit it but being in the first trimester of pregnancy is like having 12 weeks of PMS, atleast that is how it always is for me. I find myself easily anxious, easily annoyed, and very irritable. This doesn't bode well for those who are forced to live in the same home as I live in. My poor husband is very helpful at the moment, but forbid the moment he eases up or doesn't finish a job. I get annoyed. I should just be thankful that he did the dishes, right? Instead, all I see is the nonstick pans he sets to "soak". Granted this little habit of his is annoying after nine years of marriage, but a pregnant Kim has trouble just letting it go. I find that one little jab slipping out from my lips. I should just wear a sandwich board for the next few weeks that says, "I am sorry."

My children fare a little better externally. I don't say mean things to them, though I HAVE found myself raising my voice at Ava. (Her lack of listening really gets my dander up. OOOOOH Boy!) For the most part though, they don't realize that I am flippin' annoyed by them at various points in the day. This evening, my poor son was not feeling well. He got a couple shots yesterday and so he's running a low grade fever today. On one hand I do feel great compassion for him, but after carrying around a whiny 30 lb. one year old for a couple hours, one can't help but count the minutes until bedtime. It was work getting him down tonight and I'm pretty sure I may have uttered "Good Riddance" as I left his darkened bedroom.

I think God knows I can't handle much at the moment because fortunately all three family members have taken turns annoying me and they have also taken turns charming me. Should they all gang up in annoying mode I might lose it. I am just not a nice person at the moment. I can't help but think of the passage in Romans where Paul talks about "doing the things he doesn't want to do." I want to be carefree and joyous yet I find myself tired and annoyed. Oh the joys of sinful nature;P I am weak and there's no denying it at times like this.

OH family, forgive my weakness. Thank you for you help, Marco and for your total obliviousness to my discomfort, Ava and Phin:). I'm prayin' for more strength to bite my tongue and find more joy in the chaos. In the meantime, we can adopt the motto "This too shall pass." It applies to my nausea and exhaustion as well as my irritability, but it also applies to the added work for Marc and the mommy who has a little less interest in playing pocket dollies and blowing on bellies.

a bit too tired...

I have so much to blog about, I suppose, but so little energy to do it;) I am T-I-R-E-D! Long before this little teeny baby was developping inside and sapping all my doggone energy, I had signed up and agreed to far too many things in October.
I was stressed looking at my calendar when I was in top form, so I don't even know what to call the feeling I got when looking at my calendar after finding out I was pregnant! I am happy we made it through, actually! Truth be told I would NOT have made it through at all except for my husband- who literally picked up ALL my slack and then some.
He deserves a bit of an ego stroke! He has been amazing- give him a cape and tights folks, cuz he is definitely a superhero. (Last Friday he sent me to bed at 8, saying I looked "awful", and he stayed up cleaning and prepping for Phin's first birthday...see? a hero.)

Anywho- I have a lot of cute pictures from the past few days, so in lieu of writing I am just going to give you little peeks into the cuteness of my children....

THURSDAY 10/22- I visited Ava's preschool class:

Here is Ava "play acting" the book A Stubborn Pumpkin with her class. Because it was her "special day" (ie. mom was in the class room), she was the pumpkin.

Here is Ava with her other teacher, Miss McCrary. She will draw the pumpkin, but first is working with Miss McCrary to examine all aspects of the pumpkin. First she noted it was a circle and then drew a circle, then she noticed the lines down the pumpkin and drew them, finally she drew the stem before painting it orange and green. It was so interesting to see how you teach art to a three year old.

Here is Ava with her two buddies at the art station. All three are into drawing rainbows and tracing their hands. It was cute to watch them each earnestly coloring away.

SATURDAY: Phin's First Birthday party.

Phin's Auntie Katie made him a very special birthday shirt.

He is ONE:)

Here is Phin's "Giraffe" cake before he had his hands on it and in it.

And....After;)

SATURDAY AFTERNOON- Birthing Class comes over for Halloween Party. (We still get together about once a month with our birthing class from our pregnancy with Ava- we've known them almost 4 years now!)

No doubt about it- they are NO longer babies;)

MONDAY- While still recovering from our weekend, Phin had his first Spaghetti experience;)

He was one HAPPY little boy!

Happy Birthday, Munchy!

Today is my baby boy's FIRST BIRTHDAY! Where does time go? So cliche, I KNOW!, but seriously, one can't help but be amazed that he is already one year old. He is on the verge of toddlerhood! AH! Am I ready of a toddler boy?

It's amazing to think back over the ups and downs of the past year. First, I love and hate to think about his birth. The actual labor wasn't bad, but in transition I got the chills and was shaking uncontrollably. I was literally vomitting repeatedly as I was pushing. I have never in my life felt so helpless. I couldn't tell if I was pushing effectively or not and I was quite sure it would never end. When he finally did come out, it seemed like forever until I could hold him; I cried as they held him up and couldn't reconcile their "he is a BIG baby" comments with how tiny and helpless he looked to me;)

Finally, he was in my arms. Is there anything more precious than holding that little baby for the first time? AHHH! I could die just remembering. That little helpless, wide eyed face taking in his mommy's face with wonder and amazement. SERIOUSLY, I am not a person who become easily verklempt, but this is one thing that brings tears to my eyes repeatedly. It wasn't long before they had to take my little blessing away because my ol' uterus wasn't contracting. (Let's insert note here- if this ever happens to you- be prepared for a long haul. The medicine they give you to contract causes not just the uterus muscles to contract but the intestinal muscles as well. You have to just sit on a bed pan while water runs out your bum. I cried. It was awful and uncontrollable and again I thought it would never end. If you experience this, all I can tell you is that is does end....eventually.)

The first few months of Phin life were the hardest thing I have ever experienced. I look back now and I have no clue how I survived. In hindsight, perhaps he was colicky- I had to hold him much of the evening; the sling became a good friend. The nights were the true test of endurance. He woke up repeatedly. I have no idea how I functioned- solely by the grace of God. About 4 1/2 month in, I literally ended up weeping on my knees in the living room as I listened to him cry begging God for mercy and an answer. Rose, the "sleep nurse", was an answer to prayer. I was prepared to pay her a LOT of money, but instead FOR FREE, she spoke with me over the phone and gave use some things to try. Soon- no more boob for baby at night, no mommy either. My dear husband took over night time duty and he apparently wasn't so appealing. Thank God my baby boy learned to sleep. I learned God really is there in the trenches.

Today my son is pure delight. He's still a mama's boy, which drives me crazy when I need to get something done, but otherwise he is just a charmer. He has a smile that is contagious and a delightful, silly personality. He's pretty easy going. He sleeps like a CHAMP!!! He is huge and strong. I am so proud of him. He is walking more and more, though still predominantly crawling, and he is a climbing. Tonight he took a dive off the bed before Marc could catch him and I just know we have many such incidents in our future. He does NOT sit still and is curious and persistent if he sees something he finds interesting. He is fearless. We will probably be in the ER a time a two;)

We didn't do much to celebrate his birthday today- he'll have the little party and cake on Saturday. He got Mac and Cheese for dinner, which he loves and we sang to him. Ava drew him a picture, but he's still clueless. The highlight of his day was chasing the vacuum cleaner (he LOVES to try to climb on it while we are vacuuming). Yessirree, he has no idea today is a major milestone, but we know. We have not just survived, we are thriving. We could every day he's been in our lives a blessing- even the sleepless nights. As with my daughter, my children constantly teach me more about myself and about God and I look forward to spending many many years with this little boy!

Thank you, God, for Phineas Sinclair.