Reflection

We spent the weekend in Chicago, our old stomping grounds. Marc attended a prayer retreat at our old church (his area of ministry while he was there). I was able to spend Saturday with my dear friend Roxanne.

Marc sent me a text Friday that said, "Ugh! Feels so good to be here." I got him. He was back in a place where he had thrived in ministry and thus far here in Sheboygan, God hasn't shown Marc what he wants him to do aside from wait. Waiting is hard. Yet waiting is consistently something God calls us to. "Those that wait on the Lord will renew their strength. They will mount on wings of eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." (Isaiah 40:31) I just know the Lord is strengthening Marc, but sometimes in the waiting period we don't FEEL very strong. Saturday he was able to participate is the prayer ministry there once again and had a phenomenal time praying for people. God has gifted my husband with the ability to hear insights and impressions for people. Being used of God is always humbling and a blessing. I worried Marc may feel discontent returning home or thinking of returning home. Instead, I saw the maturity my husband has. He loved being able to pray for people and yet he knew without a doubt that God had moved us on. His place isn't at First Free anymore. He loved being there, but had distinct clarity that he is where God wants him in Sheboygan. I had a lovely day on Saturday with Roxanne. She is beyond precious. Being able to talk with her (my mom watched my younger kids) and hear of her heart for Africa is such a priviledge. Iron sharpens Iron, according to scripture. She sure sharpens me. I was so humbled however when I thought on that passage. I am not sure I am iron, myself, sometimes, but I can only hope God can use me in her life too, for he uses her profoundly in mine. Our daughters played. Ava has a special place in her heart for Anni and she just cried on the way back to my moms. Perhaps praying for her friend regularily has cemented a deep love for Anni in Ava's heart. Watching them play, walk holding hands, and just be kids was heartwarming. Today was a picture perfect day in Chicago. It was in the 80s and sunny. People were out everywhere. The diversity was a welcome change for us. We were able to worship at First Free. Every church has it's strengths and weaknesses. Worship is definitely a strength of the body at First Free. It isn't about a flashy worship leader in any sense, though certainly he is talented. It is about a congregation that pours its heart out to God as it sings. I loved singing my heart out at the top of my lungs and not standing out, because everyone else was doing the same. I stopped singing just to listen. I swear it was a foretaste of heaven. The bible says God is enthroned on our praises. Let me tell you, this congregation eagerly builds that throne. It is authentic and heartfelt. It is beautiful....not flashy, but beautiful, joyous, real. It was wonderful to be in a church we'd worshipped in for ten years. To know so many people, to love so many people and to give hugs and updates. Children have changed SO much, but so have adults. They all looked so beautiful. It is a church that we grew in, we learned in, we failed in and we succeeded in. We loved and were loved there and returning was really a blessing. I feared that I would ache when we left, but I didn't. I appreciated the opportunity to see people and to worship there, but I left with a heart similar to Marc's. It was clear to me that we don't belong there anymore. I felt loved there but I no longer felt at home, because God has made a new home for us. We are starting to love and be loved here and while we don't have the same history, we have our future here. Instead of leaving with longing, we left with appreciation. Appreciation both for what we had and for what we now have. We left with assurance that we are right where we are supposed to be. As the weekend draws to a close, I am just humbled. I don't deserve the gifts God gives and yet he bestows them so generously. He not only provides for our physical needs, but our emotional ones as well. He knew I needed to visit Chicago and enjoy it but also see for myself that indeed it no longer fits us. God grew us there and prepared us for here. I can't help but wonder how he'll use us here in Sheboygan. I don't know how long he has us here (we think for a long time;), but I can't wait to look back and see new ways he grew us and used us. Life is such an adventure...I'm sure glad the One who Holds the Future is the one steering;)