AHHHHHH!

I'd like to think I am a pretty positive person, but this week has really tested my reserves;P Having three kids under four is just hard- it is. Someone from church recently said to me, "enjoy this stage, it's the easiest one you'll experience." Let me tell you, even in church, I struggled with biting my tongue and a whole bunch of pretty nasty thoughts about her persisted in my head through out the day. Now, I know life is never easy, and I know there will be challenges with every stage of my children's life, (I know, for example, they will annoy me in junior high)but I sure appreciate the people who give me credit for the life stage I am in and say things like, "it goes by before you know it."

It's hard, and yes, I do "have my hands very full." I am reminded of that on a daily basis, almost, by strangers in target or the grocery store. I usually laugh...but this week I wanted to grab hold of someone and say, "YES, I do. HELP ME!"

I was feeling so overwhelmed I even looked up the signs of postpartum depression and was DISAPPOINTED that I didn't even come close to the criteria;) CRAZY, huh? (Maybe I should have looked up the symptoms for postpartum psychosis?:) I guess I knew I wasn't really depressed, but I suppose part of me was hoping maybe I'd qualify for a pill or something to make life easier.

Life just isn't easy. I have to push through. I have an amazing husband and really my kids are pretty cute and I adore them much of the time. It's usually about now- between 4 and 6pm when they become a little...or a lot...annoying.

I feel a little claustrophobic at the moment, I guess and that is probably contributing to my angst. I feel like I need to get away to get some rejuvination; it just isn't an option for a few months! :P I have a baby who nurses every 2 hrs. Even if I leave her, I'd have to pump that often to keep my milk up...that doesn't feel very rejuvinating! I have to admit, I also don't think Marc could handle all three quite yet. He's a very capable and amazing guy- don't get me wrong, he just isn't used to doing this. He can be a little stress ball, as it is, I might return to find he'd had a coronary!

Family? Is that an option? Sure, I suppose, but they have their own lives. They are so helpful, but it feels incredible unfair to ask them to take all three at THIS stage...so we just have to wait and push through.

I am in the trenches folks. The only way out is to keep digging. Today I just needed to take a minute to look out and scream. "AHHHHHHHHHH!"

There, venting completed. Now, I'll put on my big girl panties and do the right thing- Pray. Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS can sure be challenging sometimes?!;)