On Monday, my dear husband took a little sleep from the bottom few stairs while carrying the baby. He was able to rally and land on his feet, keeping the baby safe, but in the process TORE a muscle in his back. I emphasize the word TEAR because it is not a little pull. He is out of commission. I have a new found respect for single mamas!

On Tuesday, he was only able to crawl on all fours- LITERALLY! He couldn't stand or sit...shoot, the poor guy couldn't lie down comfortably. The doctor game him muscle relaxors and NSAIDS. He is getting better SLOWLY. He can sort of walk hunched over, but needs to use a cane. He still cannot sit, though the MD recommended an exercise ball so we'll try that tonight. He is in pain and completely unable to do much of anything.

Take a moment to feel bad for him and then turn your attention to me- afterall, this is my blog, right. FEEL BAD FOR ME;) I basically have a fourth child. Admittedly, he is a bit easier to care for than a child- he has a thankful heart and patience. But let's take a minute to remember that I am still adjusting to having THREE children. This is HARD.

BUT by God's grace, we are making it. I can't deny that I have gone to bed in tears the last few night, purely from exhaustion. This morning I also cried when I woke up. To top off my plight, my dear baby woke up SEVEN times last night...SEVEN TIMES! When she was up for the dayat 5:45 am, I couldn't help but cry. I am tired- in the purest sense of the words. The past two days I literally barely sat to eat. I haven't seen a TV show or read a book. The only thing I've been able to do is pee and eat...and those haven't opportunities often had to wait longer than my body wanted;) This morning I was straight with God. I flat out told him I was MAD. Couldn't he atleast make my infant sleep. I am so thankful for the Psalms, because I needed the "WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?" moment this morning. YET, what is wonderful is coming back to truth! NO! He has not forsaken me. In fact, despite feeling tired, I am doing well. My kids are doing well. I haven't screamed at them or lost it- that is a miracle. Yesterday morning I asked God for Chloe to fall back asleep on her own and she did- that miracle was easy to forget today, but he answered that prayer and so I know he will strengthen me through this time and give me peace and joy.

Things could certainly be worse, right? but sometimes knowing that doesn't make THIS easier. It is hard to take care of three little ones with no respite. It is hard to be exhausted and see your husband sleeping on the couch. No matter how logically you speak to yourself- it is hard to see someone else sleeping when you cannot. I really cannot do this- flat out can't do it, but you know what THANKFULLY I serve a God who promises to bear our burdens, supply our needs, and give us strength. He is good- that never changes. Life changes, but God does not. Praise his name. This trial won't be over overnight- it will be a long while before Marc can hold Chloe or Phin; I am so thankful that God won't leave us or forsake us. I need Him right now, let me tell you. In that sense, I am thankful for this time. When we are forced to our knees and have to CLING to God to make it through, we get the opportunity to see Him at work.

(Let me not forget, also to thank people here in Sheboygan. We have only lived here six months. Before we moved here, we were warned by a few people that Sheboygan isn't known for being welcoming. Thank God we are part of the body of Christ. I had two offers of dinner yesterday and ended up with a lovely lasagne that is enough for three meals. I have had encouraging words, offers of help (unfortunately my kids are still adjusting to baby, so there isn't much anyone else can do), and just over all have felt loved. Thank you guys!)